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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Los Angeles Auditions)

Idol goes back across the country this week to Los Angeles where 11,000 hopefuls are outside the Rose Bowl hoping to be the next superstar. The first contestant has entered the room…

Avril Lavigne – oh wait, nevermind, she’s a guest judge this week. How embarrassing, I thought she was trying out.

Neil Goldstein – wow Chris O’Donnell has really let himself go. Damn, I was hoping he’d make it through to the next round and be the best Jewish singer since Paula Abdul (yes, little known fact, Paula Abdul drinks the Manischewitz wine when she takes her crazy pills).

Hopefully the rest of the contestants aren’t as terrible and sweaty.

Jim Ranger – a worship pastor, which also hurts his chance of being the next best Jewish singer. He sounds like a combination of Taylor Hicks and Jamiroquai, which I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not. By the way, shame on Avril for giving him a no because she didn’t think he could balance his home life and being a singer. Let him decide that, don’t take your bitterness out on him just because you got married and divorced Tweek from South Park.

One of these two was married to Avril, but which?

Jayson Wilson – sang “All By Myself”, very fitting for him.

Jesse Chang – sang “Kung Fu Fighting”, it’s going to be very difficult to find that great new Jewish sensation.

Martin Perez – not sure what he was trying to sing, not sure why Idol even showed this 5 seconds of nonsense, unless they were trying to show what Elvis would look like if he did the Jenny Craig diet with Valerie Bertandernie.

Damien Lefavor – do me a Lefavor and stop singing.

Mary Powers – ugh, the Avril devil-horned sweatshirt is terribly annoying. Her father must be a producer or something, there’s no other explanation for her being here. Oh yeah, Mary got the golden ticket, she wasn’t anything to sneeze at though, had kind of a choppy voice. By the way, that’s a saying I never quite understood. Even if I really, really, liked something, why would I sneeze at it? Seems low on the list of reactions I would have. Unless it’s pepper.

Now a quick montage showcasing last year’s winner, Adam Lambert. Wait, he didn’t win? How much do you think Idol producers wished they fixed the results last year?

A.J. Mendoza – claims he recorded a song for Adam Lambert that Adam himself said he loved.  After listening to this performance, I think A.J. accidentally sent it to Christopher Lambert instead. At least the Highlander himself appreciates A.J.’s talents.

At least him and Adam Lambert share the same taste in fashion

Commercial Break – that Wal-Mart one with the clown stepping on the toy is really creepy. Also, the promos for the new FOX show Past Life, look like they belong on CBS.

Day two and no more Avril Lavigne, which probably is because she had to get back to the mall and sing for nickels. But instead we’re treated to Katy Perry, who apparently fell victim to Homer Simpson’s make-up shotgun (skip to the 52 second mark, or watch the whole thing, it’s classic).

Austin Fullmer – here’s what I don’t understand, if you’re gonna try to sing and dance like Mick Jagger, why would you sing Cheap Trick? That would be like me craving a chicken sandwich and going to Fuddruckers to eat.

Ok Idol, we get it…there’s a lot of rejection, how about you show us some contestants we could eventually care about.

Andrew Garcia – good for him, he won the auction for Harry Carey’s glasses on eBay. Don’t know if it’s because we haven’t seen anyone good before him, but that was a fantastic audition. Possibly the best I’ve heard so far these past few weeks.

Tasha Layton – nice voice, wasn’t really wowed by the audition like the judges were. She’s someone who’s pleasing to listen to, but I don’t think she has the goods to go far in this competition. Nonetheless, she’s going to Hollywood.

Also, can we come up with a better saying then “I’m going to Hollywood!” when the auditions are in Los Angeles? How can you get excited about going 5 minutes down the road? Actually it’s more like 1 hour and 5 minutes with the traffic.

Jason Greene – so much for Idol being a family show.  Words are useless here.

Commercial Break – oh that’s right Kris Allen won last year – and now he’s still doing Ford commercials. Wait, nevermind, he’s just videotaping himself living in the car he won from the show. Good for him.

Chris Golightly – been in over 25 foster families. I mean, I wouldn’t want a kid with cheese doodles for hair either. Thankfully he has a pretty decent voice. I’m not sneezing again, but I agree with Simon and Katy here and that Kara has been taking some of those Paula Abdul crazy pills. On a side note, we only got brief glimpses of her, but Katy Perry was the best guest judge so far. She actually had real criticism and didn’t let emotions get in the way of her judgment, and she put Kara in her place.

And with that, we’re done for today. Idol then does none of us any favors by showing a dozen people celebrating in 5 seconds who got tickets. Doesn’t make up for only getting to see like 4-5 real auditions.

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKETS

1. Andrew Garcia
2. Tasha Layton
3. Chris Golightly
4. Jim Ranger
5. Mary Powers

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Andrew Garcia
2. Mallorie Haley
3. Justin Williams
4. Ashley Rodriguez
5. Jermaine Sellers
6. Tyler Grady
7. John Park
8. Janell Wheeler
9. Katelyn Epperly
10. Matt Lawrence
11. Leah Laurenti
12. Paige Dechausse
13. Tasha Layton
14. Brittany Starr James
15. Chris Golightly
16. Benjamin Bright
17. Jermaine Purifoy
18. Brian Walker
19. Holly Harden
20. Keith Semple
21. Amadeo Diricco
22. Jim Ranger

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2 Responses

  1. IDOL SUX
    KYRA THINKS SHE’S HOT WITH THE EYE MAKEUP CAKED ON…….THANK GOD FOR COWELL

    FUNNIEST MOVIE EVER MADE
    DUMB AND DUMBER……..NO DOUBT BOUT IT

  2. […] January 26th American Idol (Los Angeles auditions) – here’s my full recap from last […]

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