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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Dallas Auditions)

It’s Doogie Howser Idol tonight in Dallas. Actually that’s a great idea for a new reality show, 12-year olds with no medical training or education, audition to become surgeons. The winner has to perform open heart surgery live on stage in front of millions.

Let’s hope that tonight showcases some good talent, as right now this season has been lacking in hopefuls. I mean, when Victoria Beckham and Avril Lavigne are in the top 5 best singers we’ve seen on the show so far this season, you know it’s been a rough go of it.

Julie Kevelighan – wow, a season one reject coming back 8 years later, I’m sure she’s improved in the past 8 years. Nope, nevermind, but god bless Neil Patrick Harris for making fun of her terrible sign.  He should replace Simon next season.

Best guest judge of the season!

Lloyd “Big Sexy” Thomas – solid voice and seems like a genuine good guy which is always nice to root for. I agree with the judges that his personality didn’t come across in the audition, but he’s got time to work on that. I do like how contestants get excited when the judges give them a “billion times yes.” Don’t they realize that it’s worth just as much as one yes? I bet they get excited when they get Schrute bucks too.

Now a montage of Simon and Neil Patrick Harris disagreeing, but it’s clipped together poorly where it doesn’t seem like there’s any animosity between the two, like we saw with Kara and Katy Perry last night.  Maybe I just enjoy a catfight better than a British guy fighting Neil Patrick Harris.

Kimberly Carver – very good audition (minus the snapping). Not sure why Simon thought her jazzy voice wouldn’t go over well, considering how big singers like Amy Winehouse, Duffy and Adele have been. Simon said no to her, but Kimberly says it best, “thank god for Neil Patrick Harris.”

Speaking of NPH, don’t forget to vote for Harold and Kumar vs. Airplane (and other matchups) in the first round of the Funniest Movie of All-Time Tournament.

Dexter Ward – I had no idea Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds had a son. Mazel tov. If only Dexter sang as well as his father threw the javelin.

Booger would be so proud.

Erica Rhodes – ok, this is very creepy, yet enjoyable. She was a former kid on Barney and Friends, and now she’s dressed in leather working a whip. Although, I think the judges are getting ahead of themselves here saying she’s unique. I do remember a certain Mousekateer who grew up to be rather promiscuous and a trouble-maker. That’s right Annette Funicello, I’m talking to you! As for Erica, her voice was so-so, but if she doesn’t make it on Idol, she’s a lock for the “Girls of Barney” Playboy issue.

By the way, true story, when I turned 16, I was working for my father in his factory and during one of the breaks, he called me over to where all the employees were and they had a giant cake for me.  After I blew out the candles, in came a singing telegram – a person dressed in a giant Barney suit, holding balloons and singing the I Love You song. Very embarrassing, and that’s the real reason why I hate factories to this day.

Dave Pittman – a contestant with Tourette’s?!? Love it! America, we have to vote this guy through somehow to get him on live TV. I would be on the edge of my seat for all his performances, waiting for him to yell stuff like “DUNKLEMAN!” or “CLAY AIKEN LUNCHBOX”

Day two and no more NPH, but instead we get one of the Jonas brothers. I don’t care enough to know their names, so we’ll just call him Indiana Jonas. I also can’t tell where his hair ends and his eyebrows begin. Why are the Jonas siblings even famous? The only time I ever saw them was very pathetic (skip to 30 second mark).

They’re very lucky that Stevie Wonder is blind and couldn’t see how terrible that performance was.

Todrick Hall – performed with Fantasia on Broadway. Hopefully the judges don’t hold that against him. It was an enjoyable performance, but I fully expected Simon to quote Peter Griffin when critiquing The Godfather and saying Todrick “insists upon himself.”

Dawntoya Thompson – should we call you Dawn or Toya? I’ll call her Toyota. Since she’s got a dependable voice that will get good mileage, but it’s lacking the glitter and glam that the Mercedes voice can offer. It’s also not as good as the Kris Allen Ford models.

Stephanie Daulong – sounds a little like Shakira, looks a liitle like Scott McIntyre. She’s got his zombie eyes, which makes me not like her.

Was so terrible, he made Helen Keller turn over in his grave.

Megan Wright – uh oh, another contestant who’s mom is “out with a divorce.” It’s an epidemic that’s sweeping the nation. Wow, I thought she was going to be a joke performance too. That’s 6 consecutive golden tickets performances they’ve shown, a new Idol record.

Vanessa Johnston – she looks like the 1980s threw up all over her.

Christian Spear – kind of creepy that she looked a lot like Drew Barrymore when she was a kid. If it was the leukemia that changed her look over the years, then that’s the only good thing leukemia has ever done for anyone. Very nice voice for a 16 year old, but terrible fashion sense.

So that’s it for Dallas. Nothing really stood out tonight and I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the showcased golden ticket winners make it through to the top 24. Um, was it just me or was Jonas boy only on screen for a total of 30 seconds?

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKET WINNERS
1. Dave “I’LL KILL YOU LEONARD NIMOY” Pittman
2. Lloyd Thomas
3. Kimberly Carver
4. Todrick Hall
5. Erica Rhodes
6. Christian Spear
7. Stephanie Daulong
8. Dawntoya “Toyota” Thompson
9. Megan Wright

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Andrew Garcia
2. Mallorie Haley
3. Justin Williams
4. Ashley Rodriguez
5. Jermaine Sellers
6. Tyler Grady
7. John Park
8. Janell Wheeler
9. Katelyn Epperly
10. Matt Lawrence
11. Leah Laurenti
12. Paige Dechausse
13. Dave Pittman
14. Tasha Layton
15. Brittany Starr James
16. Chris Golightly
17. Lloyd Thomas
18. Kimberly Carver
19. Benjamin Bright
20. Jermaine Purifoy
22. Brian Walker
23. Holly Harden
24. Keith Semple
25. Amadeo Diricco
26. Jim Ranger

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One Response

  1. […] Wednesday, January 27th American Idol (Dallas auditions) – here’s my full recap. […]

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