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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Denver Auditions)

I wonder if some higher power is trying to tell me something along the lines of  ‘don’t watch Idol this week.’  After postponing Tuesday’s night blog because of the Lost premiere, I then postponed it again (along with the Wednesday night blog) thanks to my father-in-law showing up and being sneakier than John Turturro in Mr. Deeds.  I almost had strike three tonight thanks to the impending snowstorm of doom.  But thankfully I did all my “end of the world” shopping yesterday, so now I have no more distractions and…..oooh, a shiny object….wait, what was I saying?

Actually, for those who are also going to be trapped indoors all weekend due to the storm or want to make fun of us east coasters, I’ll be doing a full weekend live blizzard blog for your entertainment and for my attempt at going insane.

But before that, we got two episodes of Idol to tackle, so in the words of the Black Eyed Peas, “boom boom pow.”  Um, I mean, “let’s get it started.”

We begin in Denver, where hopefully there are no South Park hopefuls trying to sing the brown note.  Lucky for us fans of plastics, we get treated to another round of everybody’s favorite Tanning Bed Barbie, Victoria Beckham.  Why they brought her back for more auditions is a bit odd, but then again, she was quite possibly in the oddest girl group of all-time.  I would have liked to have been in the room when they put together the Spice Girls.  Did they order off of a menu?  “Yeah, gimme a busty red head, some young looking baby-faced blonde girl, and do you have any scary black chicks?   What else do you have in the kitchen?  Can you make me a skinny robot with a terrible singing voice and no facial expressions?  Oh yeah, I guess we should have a side of talent, gimme an athletic girl who can carry more than one note.”

I still say they should make the guest judges audition to be on the show.  Hopefully there are no Spice Girls wannabes trying out, so let’s see what Denver has to offer.

Mark Labriola - so he thinks he looks like Jack Black.  I'd go more of a fatter Tobias from Arrested Development.  He loves cheese, that's going to be important in later voting rounds if you're lactose intolerant.  Good news is, he's got a great voice, except for when he went for the upper register, but definitely got some talent.  Needs to change his name though, it's some weird combination of Labia and Ariola.

Mario Galvan - for the sake of catching up on blogs and because these people will never again be on TV or of any importance, I'm going to just skip right over the bad auditions.  I hope Mario gets eaten by a koopa troopa.

Kimberly Kerbow - ok, her daughter was hysterical, that should be enough to get her thru to the next round.  Unless I missed some pre-existing medical condition, I'm curious to know why she stole Anne Hathaway's scalp.  Decent voice, good personality, but I don't see top 24 material.

Now a montage of a dozen people getting through without us hearing anything.

Danelle Hayes - karaoke biker chick rocks!  Ironically, the last time I saw such a passionaite audition, was four years earlier in Denver when Chris Daughtry auditioned.  I hope she makes it into the top 24, but she could be in trouble, since the "rocker chick" image has yet to break thru on Idol (see Amanda Overmeyer and Gina Glockson for reference).

Casey James - very boring audition, and only made worse by Bony Spice and Not-Paula making him take his clothes off.  Randy is so whipped, he should have waited for his testicles to drop and then said no.

Tori Kelly - first of all, her little sister sitting on Mrs. Beckham's lap is a terrible idea, you should never be that close to the sun.  Not bad for a 16-year old (the voice, you perverts), but I think she'd be better suited for a couple more years of coaching and coming back for American Idol 2012 with David Hyde Pierce, Blair from Facts of Life and a talking robot named Glen as the judges.

Austin Paul - he's a two-star talent - he equally sucks at singing and football.

Kenny Everett - Idol owes me 32 seconds of my life back.

Nicci Nix - amazing when the world's most annoying voice can actually produce a good singing voice.  Wouldn't you just sing your whole life, even in every day normal conversation if you had a talking voice like hers?  She might do well in this competition since there is a precedent with her (Paris Bennett finishing 5th several years ago).

Haeley Vaughn - She was born after I started high school.  I need to go have some Metamucil I feel so old now.  Great audition, definitely unexpected.  I'm really surprised Victoria said yes, since it goes against her policy of approving singers that are thinner than her.  Haeley should do well since there's not many black country singers and Idol knows when they can benefit from a contestant.

Ty Hemmerling - bikini boy? Really?  Sorry, but it's not even funny.

Pretty decent showing tonight (except for the last audition), some possible Top 24 contenders and with the exception of having to stare at the bronzed Oscar statue they had in between Cara and Randy, it was one of the better audition shows this season.  Maybe that's what all the delays were for, so I'd appreciate it better if I wasn't watching it live.

1. Danelle Hayes
2. Haeley Vaughn
3. Mark Labriola
4. Nicci Nix
5. Kimberly Kerbow
6. Tori Kelly
7. Casey James

1. Andrew Garcia
2. Mallorie Haley
3. Danelle Hayes
4. Justin Williams
5. Ashley Rodriguez
6. Jermaine Sellers
7. Tyler Grady
8. Haeley Vaughn
9. John Park
10. Janell Wheeler
11. Katelyn Epperly
12. Matt Lawrence
13. Mark Labriola
14. Leah Laurenti
15. Paige Dechausse
16. Dave Pittman
17. Tasha Layton
18. Brittany Starr James
19. Chris Golightly
20. Nicci Nix
21. Lloyd Thomas
22. Kimberly Carver
23. Benjamin Bright
24. Jermaine Purifoy
25. Brian Walker
26. Holly Harden
27. Keith Semple
28. Amadeo Diricco
29. Jim Ranger

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