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Fischer’s Friday Five

Before I get to this week’s top five, just wanted to address a few things regarding American Idol. For starters, apparently there are no boys or men (or Boyz II Men) voting this year, otherwise Janell Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez would still be around at least another week. But no, now I have to deal with Paige Miles’ strong bladder and Lacey Brown’s 17 different voices another week. Obviously Janell and Ashley weren’t going to win Idol this year, but they were pleasant to the eyes even if they weren’t pleasant to the ears. Tyler Grady and Joe Munoz on the other hand, well, Joe definitely had no shot of winning, but Tyler had such high praise from one reader. Great call by Robbie S. in North Carolina who predicted he would win the whole thing. Once again folks, don’t smoke pot and watch Idol at the same time, nothing good can come of it.

Also, I will not be doing a weekly recap blog of the results show. Actually, here, from now on you can use my Mad Libs-esque template to write your own results show recap blog…

Tonight, on the Results Show, the remaining contestants together sang _____ (name of song), it sounded like ______ (something terrible and possibly feces-related). Then Seacrest announced who was safe. I can’t believe _____ (contestant) didn’t get eliminated, since their performance was like ______ (name of torture device). After that, we got treated to _____ (former Idol contestant whose career never took off) performing their new single. I wonder what is on ______ (name of another network). Then we got to see the Idol’s Ford video of the week. I can’t believe they made _____ (name of contestant) look like ______ (expletive deleted). Afterwards, _______ (name of current artist who’s looking to sell more records), performed and then we had to wait thru another commercial to find out who’s going home. Finally, Seacrest dragged out the last results to tell us _______ (name of contestant who unless is Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry, will probably not go on to have much of a career unless they do _______ (name of nudie magazine)) has been eliminated. Everyone cries, except Simon, then’s there’s a video package, and roll credits. Stay tuned for an all-new ______ (name of FOX show that would struggle in the ratings if it wasn’t on after Idol).

And with that, I’m Fischer, it’s Friday, and here’s my five…

FIVE BEST 80s TELEVISION THEME SONGS

With the recent news of the death Boner (Andrew Koenig), I just felt it was necessary to have a tribute to Boner. However, for those of you who have found this site by googling “tribute to boner,” you are probably in the wrong place and NBC Dateline’s Chris Hanson is probably waiting for you outside your door.

One of my favorite aspects of 80s TV was the opening theme song. It just hooked you in from the start. A good show could survive back them with a memorable theme. I’m convinced that’s the only reason a show like Perfect Strangers stayed on the air for several years, because you can’t tell me Bronson Pinchot saying “Cousin Larrrrrrrrrrrry” in every episode was “must-see TV” Nowadays, shows are just lazy and skip the opening theme song (except CSI: The Who). Look at shows like Lost and Grey’s Anatomy – they don’t even bother with more than 3-5 seconds of a theme song and it’s only like one note.

So let’s honor those great shows of the 80s. Here’s the criteria to be eligible. 1) The show had to debut in the 80s, so that rules out shows like Dallas and The Love Boat and 2) I had to have watched the show, so sorry to shows like The Greatest American Hero and Miami Vice.

Honorable Mention: Different Strokes, Full House, Who’s The Boss and Perfect Strangers (“Cousin Larrrrrrrrrrrry”)

Dishonorable Mention: Cheers – just too overplayed over the past 25 years. We get it, you took piano lessons and you know how to play the theme song. Why don’t you go “making your way out the door”

Night Court

I originally made a third rule of eligibility, that the theme song couldn’t be instrumental, but how could I leave off this jazz saxophone classic??? Plus, what goes great with a saxophone?  What’s that you say, wood blocks? Alright, works for me. That might be the best combination since peanut butter and Fluff. Throw in some John Laroquette, Markie Post and the wacky hijinks of a bailiff named Bull and I’m hooked for 30 minutes.

Charles In Charge

Still not sure what he was in charge of, because he spent more time dating girls and getting in trouble with Buddy. Was he in charge of making sure that no one on that show had a career after it went off the air?  Although to be fair, Nicole Eggert in Blown Away starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman was the definite MVP of my adolescence. It also provided me with the most disappointment of my puberty years as I often got duped by HBO for airing the other Blown Away with Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones. Not as erotic, I gotta tell ya. I definitely wouldn’t want the new boy in the neighbor hood living downstairs or being in charge of me or part of my family. In fact, maybe they should have consulted with Megan’s Law before hiring him. Oh well, enjoy the sing along.

Family Ties

Did you know that the theme song was sung by the duet of Johnny Mathis and Deniece “Let’s Hear It For The Boys” Williams? For those who don’t know music before 1994, that would be like Michael Buble doing a duet with Robyn. Anyone remember her? Yeah, well most don’t remember Deniece Williams either. This was not only a great theme song, but also a stunning visual as we got to see the sketched Keaton family being painted obviously by someone other than Michael J. Fox since the artist was able to stay within the lines. Wow, big month for Family Ties, first Scott Valentine cracks the top 5 a couple of weeks ago and now the show makes it in. I got a big feeling Mallorie’s friend Skippy is gonna make an appearance soon. Maybe top 5 random TV characters who went on to have a stand-up comedy career?

Golden Girls

A show about three old women living together with one of their mothers? Well, I’ll only watch that if you have a great theme song. That’s the only reason why I never liked Sex and the City, I don’t care about Kim Cattrall living with her three daughters because there’s no hook in the intro to get me excited. But Beatrice Arthur (not sure why they had her name listed like that in the credits), Betty White, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty – those “girls” do it for me. Not in that way, just in a “they make me laugh” and I love to sing along to their theme song. Did you know that Estelle Getty was actually younger than both Betty White and Bea Arthur in real life even though she played Bea’s mother on the show? Fun fact. Also a fun fact, watch this video below and if you’re single, you’re feel a lot better about yourself that you’re not alone like this person will forever be. Seriously watch it a couple of times and just take note of her surroundings.

Growing Pains

BONER’S #1, BONER’S #1. Sorry, just wanted to write that. “Show me that smile again…” is the best opening line from any TV theme song of all time, and will never be topped. Plus, I was kind of a sucker for the photo montage of each of the characters as they showed their progression through life (20-year-old Joanna Kerns, mmmmm). The other thing that was really cool was that the theme song didn’t start the show, but there was always like a 2-3 minute thing before the credits to set up the episode.  Whoever those 2-3 minutes focused on primarily, that was the person who left last at the family portrait outside the house at the end of the theme song. So basically they shot 5 different takes opening videos. I wonder if they did more when Ashley Johnson and the famous Hollywood actor who shall not be named in relation to this show were on it.  Actually more importantly, I wonder if big Hollywood actor (initials L.D.) will be attending Boner’s funeral?  Maybe we can get Alan Thicke’s son, Robin Thicke to play a benefit concert?  Kirk Cameron can talk about Jesus, and Jeremy Miller can sell sexual favors for Sudafed.  This could be the best time funeral ever!

And for the Family Guy fans out there…I don’t recall seeing this before tonight, but here’s a nice tribute by Stewie and Brian to many of the great 80s theme songs.

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6 Responses

  1. You are forgetting the greatest theme song of all… “My Two Dads”. The great Paul Reiser Classic

    “you can count on me, no matter where you go, you can count on me, no matter what you do”

  2. No A-Team? No Knight Rider? Are you kidding me? And why is that girl in my kitchen again?

  3. you got it right, and clearly have balls, for ranking golden girls that high. i still sing that song to my 3 year old daughter as a way to help her better understand friendship. also, why does america hate the 70’s and my boy tyler grady? you got rooked tyler. what is more embarrassing than my pick is that, for once, i wasn’t high so i can’t blame it on anything but wanting a more diverse idol. let’s go siobhan magnus.

  4. I don’t know if these fit into your list, but I’ve always like MASH’s theme song, including The Jeffersons (moved to the east side but got in a gang war with the west side); the Charlie Brown Specials; The original Batman (which i know is too old to qualify) and my favorite of all time–Mary Tyler Moore. I’m 51, so these are the ones from my time. Great blog!

  5. Come on no Cheers – I mean everybody knows your name…and it takes place at bar. Thats all right I pegged you as more of a Golden Girls type.

  6. Saved By the Bell is #1 if you count it as the 80’s. It first aired in August 1989. If you knew that and still didn’t put it on the list the shame on you!

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