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Lazy Man’s Decathlon, Part 1

So this past weekend my best friend Matt Steinberg (aka Steiny), came to town to visit for a few days.  Since this was a big weekend filled with lost of college basketball conference tournaments and a fridge full of beer, it was almost as if I made a trade, as ironically, Maggie left early Saturday morning for Las Vegas for a few days of a work trip.

Now granted, I wouldn’t mind being in LV this time of year, but having Steiny here was a good consolation. Not just because we can sit around and watch sports all weekend, but because finally after three years of discussion, we were finally going to embark on our Lazy Man’s Decathlon idea that we’ve been wanting to execute.

The concept around it is fairly simple.  We agree on 10 “sporting” events that pit us in a head-to-head competition, and whoever wins the most events is declared the inaugural champion.  Biggest issue and main reason why it took 3 years to get this started was finding the right timing to do it.  Steiny lives in Gainesville, Florida and I’m here in Virginia, so we needed to find enough time (sans women) to get it going.  Also, agreeing on the ten events wasn’t easy, as we originally had a list of over 30+ events including ridiculous stuff like Tetherball, Chess and Power Walking.  But finally on Friday night, after sadly watching our beloved Terps lose in the ACC Tournament, we came to an agreement, and these were the 10 events of the 1st Annual Lazy Man’s Decathlon…

1. Bowling
2. Tennis
3. Basketball (1-on-1)
4. Ping Pong
5. Billiards (9-Ball)
6. Beer Pong
7. Darts
8. Soccer Penalty Kicks
9. Mini-Golf
10. Poker (No-Limit Heads Up Hold ‘Em)

Also, in the case of a 5-5 tie after the ten events, the tiebreaker to determine the winner hasn’t been agree upon yet, but we’re leaning towards either Spelling Bee or Russian Roulette.

The goal was to at least get as many events as we could get done possible this weekend. Unfortunately, mother nature was a cruel lady, so tennis, soccer and mini-golf were all going to have to wait. A blessing in disguise though, as I did’t felt like I was in good enough shape, after putting on my winter weight, to run around on a tennis court. However, we still had two days to settle the score on 7 events, and here’s what transpired.

EVENT #1 – Bowling
Rules: Best out of three. First to win 2 games, takes the event.

Good way to start off the decathlon, some early Saturday afternoon half-priced bowling (it’s a Jewish Decathlon, so these are some of the important factors that have to be included). As we’re putting our bowling shoes on, the guy in the lane next to us, who was wearing a not-so-appropriate for kids t-shirt and missing several teeth, started bowling and was getting strike after strike. In fact, he got 8 strikes in a row to start his game! I’m glad he wasn’t about of the decathlon, although if he was I would have fought to have “deodorant wearing” as one of the events. Eventually he got a spare in the 9th frame before striking the entire 10th frame. Sick.

Game #1 for us was pretty even to start, but then back-to-back open frames in the 4th and 5th killed me and I wasn’t able to catch up to Steiny. However, game #2 was a completely different story as it was Steiny with back-to-back open frames and I threw 4 strikes en route to a near 200, tying up the score and going to the pivotal game 3. An open frame for me in the 2nd gave Steiny the early lead, but then he returned the favor in the 5th, and now I held a 3 pin lead going into the 7th frame. Unfortunately, I turned into 2009 Brad Lidge and couldn’t close as I had open frames in the 7th and 9th while Steiny finished with 3 strikes in the final four frames to close the door on the first decathlon event.
RESULT: Steiny wins Bowling 2-1 and leads Decathlon 1-0 overall

Recap of the rest of the events – CLICK HERE

7 Responses

  1. First I would challenge anyone to these events. Including professional athletes. I must say I do not agree with a few of the events as being lazy man events. Way too much energy is needed for these three events: Tennis, Basketball, and soccer. Let’s find something a little easier such as channel changing, quarters, and bottle cap flicking.

    1. Bowling
    2. Tennis
    3. Basketball (1-on-1)
    4. Ping Pong
    5. Billiards (9-Ball)
    6. Beer Pong
    7. Darts
    8. Soccer Penalty Kicks
    9. Mini-Golf
    10. Poker (No-Limit Heads Up Hold ‘Em)

  2. I think that I am going to challenge Tarr to these same events in Orlando. Vegas has me going out as a 2-1 favorate.

  3. […] Lazy Man’s Decathlon, Part 2 Posted on March 15, 2010 by jarrettfischer For a recap of the origin of this supreme event and the early results, click here […]

  4. Bring it on Nick. By the way, I don’t apperciate you referring to Steiny as your best friend. Did he call you in the middle of your wedding ceremony? Didn’t think so.

  5. I would feel remiss if I didn’t point out the obvious flaw in all of this; some of these events are not for the truly lazy. Tennis and 1 on 1 basketball? My rule is if you are severely handicapped while smoking during an event, then it cannot be deemed for the lazy. Classic examples include running, lifting weights, or karate.

    This leads me to implore the following substitutions: fishing and go kart racing. Not only are these events not hindered by intoxication, they are enhanced.

    • Yes, you’re right, tennis and basketball aren’t really “lazy” events. They were included because we felt we were evenly matched in those events enough to have it take the place of a wings eating contest or who can sleep the longest. You’ll also note that we’re saving tennis for the last event in hopes that someone clinches the title beforehand so we don’t have to play.

      On second thought, I wonder if Steiny will accept bar shuffleboard as a suitable replacement for tennis?

  6. Langford and Tarr would challenge you and Steiny to a true lazy man decathelon. You must be drinking and smoking while doing each event.

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