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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Top 11 Perform)

Previously on Idol, we had to say goodbye to what’s her face…oh yeah, Lacey Brown. Good for her, back in 2009 she lost out to Megan Joy Corkrey for the final female spot in the Top 24, and this year, she finishes 12th and still doesn’t get to go on tour. More importantly, she gets to join the merry band of fellow 12th place finishers – Jasmine Murray, David Hernandez, Brandon Rogers, Melissa McGhee, Lindsay Cardinale, Vanessa Olivares and Leah LaBelle. Let us all collectively say, “who?”

So we’re left with 11 hopefuls (well, more like 6 hopefuls and 5 time fillers), but more importantly, tonight we get a true mentor to the Idols, someone with whatever the exact opposite of oodles of talent is but has somehow sold millions of albums…yes, it’s Miley Cyrus! Seriously?  What is she going to mentor these contestant about? How to talk while chewing your own face?

Tonight they tackle the theme of Billboard #1s, so that means songs like “La Bamba”, “Love Shack” and “Ice Ice Baby” could be sung! I’m not holding my breath or anything, but chances are slim we’ll hear any of those, but if it’s like every other Billboard night in the history of Idol, there will be a Phil Collins song without a doubt.

Here’s how I have the remaining 11 ranked thru last week

LAST WEEK’S POWER RANKINGS
1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Siobhan Magnus
3. Lee Dewyze
4. Michael Lynche
5. Katie Stevens
6. Didi Benami
7. Casey James
8. Andrew Garcia
9. Aaron Kelly
10. Paige Miles
12. Tim Urban

Lee Dewyze - "The Letter" by The Box Tops - I think he stole Taylor Hicks' season 5 wardrobe. Also, this song needs to be banned since Daughtry absolutely blew everyone out of the water when he auditioned with this song (ironically the same season as Hicks). Also, what does "blow someone out of the water" even mean? Has anyone ever even been blown out of the water? I'm putting that up there with "the pot calling the kettle black" on my list of phrases I don't get. How can the pot even talk, and if he can, why is the pot a racist? Anyway, I wasn't crazy about this like the judges were, it was kind of carnival corny for me. Good to see him exuded more confidence though.
GRADE: C+

By the way, is Miley even wearing pants? Can someone please put me out of my misery?

Paige Miles - "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins - THE SURPRISE OF THE YEAR! It wouldn't be a season of American Idol if it wasn't for someone singing this song. We miss you Scott Savol! Ok, take a good look at Paige now, because you won't be seeing her next week or if we're lucky, ever again. WTF, that was one of the WORST performances I have ever heard on this show that didn't involves William Hung. Correction, I would rather listen to William Hung then that again. In fact, I would rather listen to Miley Cyrus recite Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem "Paul Revere's Ride" while chewing an entire pack of Big League Chew. We got rid of Janell Wheeler to keep this?
GRADE: F (easily)

Tim Urban - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen - after that performance by Paige, I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to Tim. Wait, another correction, after seeing his time with Miley, I'm having second thoughts about this. Evoking shades of John Peter Lewis (who went home the week he sang this song in season 3). The vocals were forgettable, but it didn't make me want to throw my shoe at the TV. The best part however was him sliding across the stage mid-song. And thanks to Paige's nuclear-style meltdown, the umpire rules Tim "SAFE!" If nothing else, he could have a future as a pinch-runner for the Orioles. Love the judges absolutely bashing on him though, including Simon saying he has no chance to win and needs singing lessons. Vote for the Worst is gonna have a field day with tonight.
GRADE: C-

Aaron Kelly - "Don't Wanna Close My Eyes" by Aerosmith - another Idol staple and I feel foolish for not predicting it earlier. Seacrest says that Aaron's having troubles with his voice tonight. Yeah, puberty will do that to ya. Ok, please someone just take the remote away from me and change the channel. Seriously, I'm one more bad performance away from Van Gogh-ing myself. At least the Terrible Triad of Paige/Tim/Aaron are back-to-back-to-back early and we're done with them for the night. Not sure why the judges are raving about this, his voice was incredibly shaky and he doesn't have a powerful enough of a voice for big songs like that. On the plus side, we weren't subjected to Ben Affleck and animal crackers on Liv Tyler's stomach.
GRADE: C

Crystal Bowersox - "Me and My Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin - I'm actually not excited to hear her sing this, because she already sounds like Janis Joplin, so I don't forsee hearing anything new tonight. Kind of funny to see Miley trying to give Crystal advice. Ok, so amidst all my hesitation about her tackling Janis and what I thought was too easy of a song for her, it was still a fantastic performance that once again gave me chills. It was a bit rough in one spot in the early middle, but hard to say much more than what I have about this incredible talent. Glad the judges were completely on board tonight.
GRADE: A-

Michael Lynche - "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Michael Bolton - haha, I'm voting for Big Mike for calling Miley, "Hannah" You just know she hates that. I'm going to defer to Office Space to recap this for me..."I'll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman"." In other words, it was really good and very pleasant to listen to.
GRADE: B

Andrew Garcia - "I Heard It Thru The Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye - unfortunately for him, "Straight Up" never made it to #1 on the Billboard Chart, however, "Opposites Attract" did, but even MC Scat Cat won't sing with Andrew during his awful streak of bad performances. I'm also fairly certain if you look up the work 'karaoke' in the dictionary, you would see a picture of this performance by Andrew. This was incredibly weak and I think he suffers from not knowing how to perform on stage. It was just uncomfortable, even Miley looked pissed off when they showed her. I like Simon's critique the best "you sucked the soul out of that song" Well said Mr. Cowell.
GRADE: D

Katie Stevens - "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie - Miley and Katie together? There's needs to be a Megan's Law for watching American Idol now. Miley's look on her face listening to Katie singing was basically her thinking "damn, I need to get rid of this girl because she's so much better than me and we're the same age!" I'm surprised Miley didn't give her some advice along the lines of using an accordion or yell out "Free O.J." during the performance. Pretty good vocal, and good to see Katie having fun on the stage, which helped make the performance more meaningful.
GRADE: B-

Does it bother anyway else that Luke Wilson calls it "N-C-A-A" instead of N"-C-Double-A" like the rest of us normal people?

Casey James - "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News - any chance we can see Marty McFly on a skateboard during this performance? Alright Casey, we get it, you can play the guitar. I dunno, I was kind of bored with the performance, maybe I expected more, maybe I'm just waiting to change the channel to Lost. By the way, Casey's brother looks like Scotty McIntyre just with a better haircut, and the ability to see. Also, what the heck were "The News" and where are they now? I'm thinking about re-naming my blog Jarrett Fischer and The News...not as cool as Huey though.
GRADE: B-

Didi Benami - "You're No Good" by Linda Rondstadt - two straight weeks of powerful believable performances. Note to any guys out there that date Didi, do not cross her! Girl got herself a death stare! Apparently, I'm all alone on an island here since the judges all hated it. But I imagine there are worse things than being alone on an island with Didi. Any chance we can get Janell Wheeler to come hang out on this deserted island too? Knowing my luck, I'll get stuck out there with Paige and Tim while I bang a coconut repeatedly against my head.
GRADE: B-

Siobhan Magnus - "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder - I think after watching this, I can save Andrew Garcia. He just needs to rid himself of his glasses. If Siobhan came out this week or any other wearing her ridiculous glasses, no one would take her seriously. That being, tonight was a slight step back for Siobhan over the past two awesome weeks, but still better than most. I liked how she worked her trademark scream into the end, however, I hope it doesn't become a regular thing because it may lose its luster.
GRADE: B+

MY BOTTOM THREE: Paige Miles, Andrew Garcia, Tim Urban
MY PREDICTION FOR AMERICA’S BOTTOM THREE: Same as above (I’m going to hope America heard what I heard)
GOING HOME: Paige Miles please

MY UPDATED POWER RANKINGS
1. Crystal Bowersox (1)
2. Siobhan Magnus (2)
3. Michael Lynche (4)
4. Lee Dewyze (3)
5. Katie Stevens (5)
6. Didi Benami (6)
7. Casey James (7)
8. Andrew Garcia (8)
9. Aaron Kelly (9)
10. Tim Urban (12)
11. Paige Miles (10)

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2 Responses

  1. I thought Didi was pretty decent as well, and that girl can rock a form fitting black dress 😉

  2. terrible…they all stunk putting it nicely…….take all their guitars away…..it a singing comp not instrument comp…
    worse season ever….they should all be voted off

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