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American Idol Recap – New Orleans

Ah yes, that time of year where FOX over saturates us with as many American Idol episodes as they can possible cram on to our DVRs. This is actually the first season that they’re airing weekly on Thursdays. It doesn’t really change the fact that I’m still going to be an Idol addict and watch this show until I’m wearing adult diapers and need to be changed every hour or so.  And since I’m only 31 years old, I’ve probably got another 2-3 years until that all happens, so might as well as enjoy another hour of auditions tonight (and clean underpants).

In case you missed it, click here for last night’s recap.  Same format tonight and probably every Idol night, I’m going to give you a recap of all the performances shown in ten words or less.  Partly because I’m lazy and partly because I have a limited vocabulary.

We’re live tonight from New Orleans, home of the defending…um, team who got thoroughly thrashed against a terrible 7-9 Seahawks team in the first round of the playoffs.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t a dream and Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are our judges this season.  I got to admit, I miss Simon Cowell.  Sure he got a little repetitive in his criticism the past few seasons, but he really was the essence of Idol and he will be missed.  Plus there’s no more witty banter between Simon and Paula, and by witty I mean, Paula makes her usual cocktail of pills and booze, then blurts out something either inappropriate or incoherent, and then Simon quizzes her (or whatever British people do) on what the heck she just uttered.  Basically, it’s a lot like a Fischer Thanksgiving.

We start tonight off with a black screen and the words “October 17, 2010 Blake Patterson has just auditioned for American Idol in New Orleans” then they cut to what I assume is Blake playing a piano and singing horribly and then black screen again with the words “He won’t be going to Hollywood”  Two episodes into the new season and they’re already trying to find ways to fill extra time.  Doesn’t give me hope for a lot of talent this season.

(* – contestants who make it to Hollywood)
*Jordan Dorsey – great personality/voice, reminds me of former contestant Anwar Robinson

Najsha Palmer – if you like Jennifer Hudson, you’ll hate Najsha Palmer

Jarrell Brewer – profession “Sanitation Clean Up”, you guess how this plays out

David LaRocca – can you heeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr what the LaRocca is singin’; no?  lucky.

Kiana Cardona – I ate linguine for dinner tonight in case you care

*Sarah Sellers – first reference of season that she could be Tyler’s daughter!

By the way, Steven Tyler is starting to remind me of a creepy uncle who’s very handsy when he drinks.  Not that I have a creepy uncle who’s very handsy when he drinks.

*Jovany Barreto – annual Latino contestant who makes the top 24, then forgotten. (for reference, see Ashley Rodriguez, Jorge Nunez and Bo Bice)

I’d also like to mention at this time how I can’t wait to see the new thriller The Roommate with Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester.  Any chance there’s a sequel in the works where they get a third roommate who happens to be a 31-year old male who likes to blog about random stuff and have pillow fights?  I’m ok with being type-casted.

I’d also like to mention at this time how I can’t wait to not see anymore previews for No Strings Attached. That’s enough Ashton Kutcher, we’ve been punked long enough.

*Jacquelyn Dupree – looks like Audrina Patridge’s younger sister who can sing

*Brett Loewenstern – Pippi Longstocking and Gallagher had a baby together, mazel tov!

Gabriel Franks – how’d you get the gabriel about the franks?!?!?

Montage of bad singers without names…I’m going to assume none got a ticket to Hollywood.

Alex Attardo – went to Idol camp; might have been Idol concentration camp.

*Jacee Badeaux – awkward alert; might go thru puberty while in Hollywood

Heard a rumor today that there’s possibly going to be a spin-off of Bones.  Considering I don’t know a single person that watches Bones, who the heck is going to watch the spin-off?

*Paris Tassin – backstory almost made me cry but voice is overrated

(37 got thru to Hollywood, only 7 were shown)
1. Jordan Dorsey
2. Brett Loewenstern
3. Sarah Sellers
4. Jacquelyn Dupree
5. Jovany Barreto
6. Jacee Badeaux
7. Paris Tassin

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