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SAS Movie Review – Black Swan

SAS = Short Attention Span – basically if you’re like me, you don’t want to read a 3 page review of a movie that’s filled with dictionary look-up words and talks in-depth about the subtle nuances and how they correlate to post-modern, neo-classical, Machiavellian, or whatever random crap that was probably taught to me in school years ago, but has since been replaced with useless knowledge about things that would only help me in a People magazine crossword puzzle.

The point is, I will only write a simple review, nothing more than a page, and nothing that will ruin any aspect of the movie (I hope). So enjoy.


I can probably simplify this in a few words.  Ladies (and men who like other men), you’ll like the movie for all the ballet involved.  Men (who don’t like other men) and ladies (who like other ladies) you’ll like the movie for some Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis hot, although brief, action, but enough to make me wish there was a sequel.  People that are asexual, vampires or Canadian, you’ll probably enjoy the movie because it’s directed by Darren Aronofsky, who did some other intense films such as Requiem For a Dream, The Wrestler and Pi.

In all seriousness, this was a chilling movie from start to finish and could only come from a warped, but gifted mind, such as Aronofsky.  Portman hasn’t been this captivating to watch since she was 15-years old and starred in Beautiful Girls, although sadly following this performance up with No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher probably ranks as one of the worst decisions since Halle Berry did Catwoman after winning her Oscar for Monster’s Ball.

But Portman is easily the star here, and very believable as a likeable, but tormented ballerina searching for the darkness inside of her. To complicating things for her are the many obstacles in her way, including the ballet’s director (Vincent Cassel, best known as the bad French guy from Ocean’s 12), her is-she-or-isn’t-she-crazy mother (played by a very underrated Barbara Hershey – who by the way is married to Sayid from Lost) and Mila Kunis, who may or not be gunning for Portman as top swan.

By the way, kudos for Kunis for changing my opinion of her 180 degrees over the past few years.  I went from finding her extremely annoying on That 70’s Show to loving her in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and doing the voice of Meg since almost the beginning of Family Guy (R.I.P. Lacey Chabert).  In a movie centered primarily around Portman, Kunis made the most of her scenes, but I wouldn’t have complained if there was more of the Ukrainian Mila in the movie.

There are some disturbing images throughout the movie but it’s counterbalanced by some girl on girl action, so I guess tit for tit.  Definitely recommend checking this one out before Oscar night while it’s still in the theaters.

OSCAR PREDICTIONS: Natalie Portman wins Best Actress.  Movie falls short for best director or best picture.

Special thanks to AMC Theaters for sponsoring this review.  If you’re going to the movies, I recommend AMC Theaters, they serve beer there.  Just kidding, they don’t, but they’re still a pretty cool and comfortable place to watch a movie.

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