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American Idol Recap – Top 12 Girls

For a recap of last night’s Top 12 guys performing (most rather admirably), check it out here.

It’s the ladies turn to take the stage tonight, as all the guys (and Brett Loewenstern) get the night off before finding out their fate tomorrow.

Tatynisa Wilson – (“Only Girl In The World” by Rhianna) – uh, apparently she’s now known as Ta-Tynisa Wilson.  What a coincidence, I’m now going by Jar-Rett Fischer.  The opening chorus was decent, but from there it was a downhill train wreck, kind of similar to Jordan Dorsey trying to do Usher last night.  Also, what’s up with her hair?  Did she just wake up from a six-day nap?  Between her and Lauren Turner later, it’s apparently bed-head theme night.   Oooh, Seacrest made a fat joke at Randy Jackson, I guess no more gay banter now that Simon Cowell’s not here anymore.

GRADE:  C-

Naima Adedapo – (“Summertime” by Ella Fitzgerald) – you have to have balls, or whatever girls have, to take on arguably the greatest performance in the history of this show (Fantasia – Season 3), and impressively she made it her own version, completely different from Fantasia.  It was a little too much like a lounge act, like Randy said, but I’ll give her credit for holding her own, a solid start.  I’m still trying to figure out what Naima Adedapo spells when you un-jumble the letters.

GRADE:  B

Kendra Chantelle – (“Impossible” by Christina Aguilera) – hopefully Kendra doesn’t act like Christina and get all boozed up before performing and then forgets the lyrics.  I didn’t think she should have made it this far and only got thru based on her “Blackbird” solo with Paul McDonald during Beatles week.  However, this was surprising and sultry and maybe I was wrong about Kendra. even better it sparked a “did Lauryn Hill fall off the face of the earth because she was racist towards white people” debate.   Jury’s still out.

GRADE:  B-

Rachel Zevita – (“Criminal” by Fiona Apple) – I’m biased before she even sings a note, b/c she might be might least favorite contestant of all-time.  This was so bad, that Fiona Apple came back from the dead to beat her senseless with Brett Loewenstern’s hair.  Oh wait, Fiona’s not dead?  Ok, this was so bad that Fiona Apple jumped off a bridge into on-coming traffic, then was buried in Pet Semetary per the instructions in her will, then after having toxic material sprinkled on to her grave, she came back to life, took a cab over to the theater where Idol was playing, scalped a ticket, sat in the fourth row, bought some popcorn, posted a few messages on twitter, then grabbed Brett Loewenstern, walked up on stage and proceeded to beat her senseless using Brett’s hair.

GRADE:  F

Karen Rodriguez – (“Hero” by Mariah Carey) – Idol is all about song selection and strategy.  Usually choosing a Mariah song has been a kiss of death (along with Celine Dion and Stevie Wonder), but Karen did the smart thing and appealed to the latino audience by singing half of the song in some sort of spanish.

GRADE:  B-

Lauren Turner – (“Seven Day Fool” by Etta James) – Jennifer Lopez says Lauren reminds her of Bette Midler.  Yeah, because that’s what the age group 18-35 audience is hunkering for, some more Bette Midler.  The bad news is that this might have been one of the worst song choices, but the good news is the vocals were strong.  I don’t have much more to say.  Although I’d like to see Lauren’s chin enter a Jay Leno look-a-like contest.

GRADE:  B-

Ashthon Jones – (“Love Over Me” by Monica) – it’s like Idol took a mix of former contestants and molded them into one creation.  This was like two parts Syesha Mercado, one part Treynce and a Lil Rounds and Michelle Delamor sprinkled in.  I must say though that she is probably better than all of them, and if it wasn’t for a terrible song that I couldn’t care less about, she could become a front-runner.

GRADE:  B

Julie Zorrilla – (“Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson) – you ever take your feces and throw them against a wall and watch how they splatter all over the place in no random patterns?   That’s how I felt about listening to this. Thankfully for her, my severe dislike for Rachel Zevita keeps her out of the basement.

GRADE:  D-

Haley Reinhart – (“Fallin” by Alicia Keys) – you ever take your feces and throw them against a wall and watch how they splatter all over the place in no random patterns, but then repeat that same process another 5 times?  I forgot how much I didn’t like her going into tonight either.  What’s up with the random growling throughout the song?  It’s very off-putting, and I hope America puts her off stage.

GRADE:  D-

Thia Megia – (“Out Here On My Own” by Irene Cara) – outside of a song choice that was way too old for her (was she even alive when Fame was on TV?), this was simply put the best vocal performance so far tonight (holding out hope for Lauren and Pia still).   Randy just compared her voice to Michael Jackson, that’s a heck of compliment.

GRADE:  A-

Lauren Alaina – (“Turn On The Radio” by Reba McEntire) – effortless, easily said.  Great song choice, great performance, maybe a little too much for a 16-year to perform this way, but she’s really got the maturity, confidence and stage presence of a seasoned vet.  Randy just compared her voice to a hybrid of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.  Wow, at this rate, Pia Toscano is going to be considered Cher, Celine Dion and Britney Spears all rolled into one.

GRADE:  A-  (I’m bumping this up to a solid A after Lauren announced that Seacrest’s new nickname is “Peaches”  Love it.)

Pia Toscano – (“I’ll Stand By You” by The Pretenders) – once again I’m biased and she has my vote before she sings a lyric.  Solid song choice for her and a great way to close out the first night.  I’m not ready to dub it the best of all-time like Randy did (seriously way too much praise for opening night), but she definitely did herself a lot of favors with that performance (and she can do me a lot of favors – don’t read that Maggie).

GRADE:  B+

PREDICTIONS

Definitely Advancing:  Lauren Alaina and Pia Toscano

Probably Advancing:  Thia Megia, Ashthon Jones and Naima Adedapo

Can Go Either Way:  Karen Rodriguez, Kendra Chantelle

Maybe Going Home:  Lauren Harris, Haley Reinhart and Julie Zorrilla

Definitely Going Home:  Ta-Tynisa Wilson and Rachel Zevita

My New Top 12 Females After Tonight
1. Lauren Alaina
2. Pia Toscano
3. Thia Megia
4. Ashthon Jones
5. Karen Rodriguez
6. Naima Adedapo
7. Lauren Harris
8. Kendra Chantelle
9. Julie Zorrilla
10. Haley Reinhart
11. Ta-Tynisa Wilson
12. Rachel Zevita

And just to recap for tomorrow, here’s how I rank the guys after last night…

Top 12 Males
1. Casey Abrams
2. Paul McDonald
3. Jacob Lusk
4. James Durbin
5. Clint Jun Gamboa
6. Scotty McCreery
7. Stefano Langone
8. Tim Halperin
9. Robbie Rosen
10. Jovany Barretto
11. Brett Loewenstern
12. Jordan Dorsey

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