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American Idol Recap – New Orleans

Ah yes, that time of year where FOX over saturates us with as many American Idol episodes as they can possible cram on to our DVRs. This is actually the first season that they’re airing weekly on Thursdays. It doesn’t really change the fact that I’m still going to be an Idol addict and watch this show until I’m wearing adult diapers and need to be changed every hour or so.  And since I’m only 31 years old, I’ve probably got another 2-3 years until that all happens, so might as well as enjoy another hour of auditions tonight (and clean underpants).

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American Idol Recap – Opening Night

I swore when I started this blog up again that I wouldn’t write about American Idol . After all, trying to recap last year’s horrendous season caused me to become burnt out on blogging as well as watching Idol. So I gave up on writing about Idol about 3/4 of the way thru the season, which isn’t very professional, but then again neither was the garbage performances that were being put up there each week last season. Crystal Bowersox was the only real talent, but you knew she wasn’t going to win because, since nobody votes for people with bad teeth to win (see Elliot Yamin, Jewel on Dancing With the Stars and Mike Tyson on The Bachelor).

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Fischer’s Friday Five

Before I get to this week’s top five, just wanted to address a few things regarding American Idol. For starters, apparently there are no boys or men (or Boyz II Men) voting this year, otherwise Janell Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez would still be around at least another week. But no, now I have to deal with Paige Miles’ strong bladder and Lacey Brown’s 17 different voices another week. Obviously Janell and Ashley weren’t going to win Idol this year, but they were pleasant to the eyes even if they weren’t pleasant to the ears. Tyler Grady and Joe Munoz on the other hand, well, Joe definitely had no shot of winning, but Tyler had such high praise from one reader. Great call by Robbie S. in North Carolina who predicted he would win the whole thing. Once again folks, don’t smoke pot and watch Idol at the same time, nothing good can come of it.

Also, I will not be doing a weekly recap blog of the results show. Actually, here, from now on you can use my Mad Libs-esque template to write your own results show recap blog…

Tonight, on the Results Show, the remaining contestants together sang _____ (name of song), it sounded like ______ (something terrible and possibly feces-related). Then Seacrest announced who was safe. I can’t believe _____ (contestant) didn’t get eliminated, since their performance was like ______ (name of torture device). After that, we got treated to _____ (former Idol contestant whose career never took off) performing their new single. I wonder what is on ______ (name of another network). Then we got to see the Idol’s Ford video of the week. I can’t believe they made _____ (name of contestant) look like ______ (expletive deleted). Afterwards, _______ (name of current artist who’s looking to sell more records), performed and then we had to wait thru another commercial to find out who’s going home. Finally, Seacrest dragged out the last results to tell us _______ (name of contestant who unless is Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry, will probably not go on to have much of a career unless they do _______ (name of nudie magazine)) has been eliminated. Everyone cries, except Simon, then’s there’s a video package, and roll credits. Stay tuned for an all-new ______ (name of FOX show that would struggle in the ratings if it wasn’t on after Idol).

And with that, I’m Fischer, it’s Friday, and here’s my five… Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Road To Hollywood Auditions)

Who would have guessed that starting a new job and being buried under 4 feet of snow would cause me to be backed up on my Idol watching as well as my recaps?  At least I still have my good hygiene, that hasn’t been effected by work or snow.  And who needs a gym membership anymore?  Just shovel snow for two hours, that should be more than enough exercise to cover you for a month.

Anyway, for those who are reading this, do not be confused, this is not a recap of last night’s Hollywood show, but instead it’s last Wednesday’s “Road To Hollywood” recap – which is basically sounds better to Idol producers than saying “These Are Some Good Auditions We Didn’t Show In Previous Episodes Because We Were Too Busy Showing You Bad Auditions.”  Actually this is a pivotal show.  You got to think that if they’re dedicating an entire episode to extra ticket winners, that these are some of the contestants we should keep an eye on.  Either that, or they had an extra hour to fill and we’re getting paid oodles of money from sponsors.

And since I’m wayyyy behind, I’m going to recap each performer tonight in 10 words or less.  Awww yeah, it’s express Idol…here we go. Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Denver Auditions)

I wonder if some higher power is trying to tell me something along the lines of  ‘don’t watch Idol this week.’  After postponing Tuesday’s night blog because of the Lost premiere, I then postponed it again (along with the Wednesday night blog) thanks to my father-in-law showing up and being sneakier than John Turturro in Mr. Deeds.  I almost had strike three tonight thanks to the impending snowstorm of doom.  But thankfully I did all my “end of the world” shopping yesterday, so now I have no more distractions and…..oooh, a shiny object….wait, what was I saying?

Actually, for those who are also going to be trapped indoors all weekend due to the storm or want to make fun of us east coasters, I’ll be doing a full weekend live blizzard blog for your entertainment and for my attempt at going insane.

But before that, we got two episodes of Idol to tackle, so in the words of the Black Eyed Peas, “boom boom pow.”  Um, I mean, “let’s get it started.”

We begin in Denver, where hopefully there are no South Park hopefuls trying to sing the brown note.  Lucky for us fans of plastics, we get treated to another round of everybody’s favorite Tanning Bed Barbie, Victoria Beckham.  Why they brought her back for more auditions is a bit odd, but then again, she was quite possibly in the oddest girl group of all-time.  I would have liked to have been in the room when they put together the Spice Girls.  Did they order off of a menu?  “Yeah, gimme a busty red head, some young looking baby-faced blonde girl, and do you have any scary black chicks?   What else do you have in the kitchen?  Can you make me a skinny robot with a terrible singing voice and no facial expressions?  Oh yeah, I guess we should have a side of talent, gimme an athletic girl who can carry more than one note.”

I still say they should make the guest judges audition to be on the show.  Hopefully there are no Spice Girls wannabes trying out, so let’s see what Denver has to offer. Continue reading

Fischer’s Friday Five

Thanks for the good feedback on the first Fischer’s Friday Five (Top 5 Movies of 2000s). Can’t believe how many people were disappointed that I didn’t include The Departed on the list. I will say that if there was a second tier honorable mention list, it would have made the cut, along with; Best In Show, The Queen, The Bourne franchise, Ocean’s 11, Inglourious Basterds, Traffic, Meet The Parents, Minority Report and Lost In Translation. Sorry Gladiator fans, the movie just hasn’t held up for me over the years.

Speaking of movies, if you haven’t yet voted for the first round of the Funniest Movies of All-Time, um, I guess go vote would be the general point I am trying to make here.

Last week I gave you the best movies of the past decade, so it’s only fitting to move to the small screen and give you the best television shows the past decade had to offer. I have a strong feeling that Joey, According to Jim and the show about the Geico Cavemen are just gonna miss out on cracking the five best.

I’m Fischer, it’s Friday, and here’s my five for the week… Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Dallas Auditions)

It’s Doogie Howser Idol tonight in Dallas. Actually that’s a great idea for a new reality show, 12-year olds with no medical training or education, audition to become surgeons. The winner has to perform open heart surgery live on stage in front of millions.

Let’s hope that tonight showcases some good talent, as right now this season has been lacking in hopefuls. I mean, when Victoria Beckham and Avril Lavigne are in the top 5 best singers we’ve seen on the show so far this season, you know it’s been a rough go of it. Continue reading