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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Top 10 Girls – for real tonight)

Very very long day…so no fancy pants intro tonight, except I’ll mention that my favorite Crystal Bowersox has overcome her diabetes complication and is ready to perform tonight. She might not be able to eat caramel, but she can sing circles around the rest of the girls.

10 words or less recap rules are in effect tonight.

Here’s how I have the final 10 girls ranked thru last week.

MY FEMALE POWER RANKINGS (thru last week)
1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Didi Benami
3. Katie Stevens
4. Katelyn Epperly
5. Siobhan Magnus
6. Lily Scott
7. Michelle Delamor
8. Haeley Vaughn
9. Paige Miles
10. Lacey Brown

Sadly, no Janell Wheeler or Ashley Rodriguez anymore. Janell, if you’re reading this…I miss you, call me!

Oooh, they’re saving the best for first, let’s get this going…

Crystal Bowersox – phenomenal! will download that performance from iTunes. glad she’s back!
GRADE: A

Haeley Vaughn – can’t believe I’d rather listen to Miley Cyrus sing this.
GRADE: D-

Lacey Brown – better than last week, but such a copycat performance.
GRADE: C+

Steiny has a better 10 words – “Sixpence will get none the richer after that performance”
STEINY’S GRADE: D+

Katie Stevens – judges were way too harsh and incorrect in their criticism
GRADE: B-

Didi Benami – see Katie Stevens, I must be hearing something different tonight
GRADE: B-

Michelle Delamor – see Haeley Vaughn, replace “Miley Cyrus” with Creed. God awful!
GRADE: D-

Sorry, after listening to Kara and Simon give her praise, this gets more than 10 words. WTF?!?! Did they divvy up Paula’s medication between them? Seriously, what are they listening to???

Lily Scott – oh boy, that was sneakily good. She’s gaining momentum.
GRADE: B+

Katelyn Epperly – good song, but performed wayyyyyyyy too slow, could’ve been better.
GRADE: C+

Paige Miles – wanted to hate it, but kind of didn’t mind it.
GRADE: B-

Siobhan Magnus – that WAS dope, Randy. Didn’t want it to end. Nice mohawk! (yes, 11 words, i cheated).
GRADE: A-

Girls are sooooooooooooo much better than the guys. Can we just make it 8 girls and 4 guys instead of this 6 and 6 b.s.?
MY BOTTOM THREE – Haeley Vaughn, Michelle Delamor and Lacey Brown
MY PREDICTION FOR AMERICA’S BOTTOM THREE – Haeley Vaughn, Didi Benami and Michelle Delamor
GOING HOME – Haeley Vaughn and Michelle Delamor (I’m going to hope that American heard what I heard)

MY NEW FEMALE POWER RANKINGS (last week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Crystal Bowersox (1)
2. Siobhan Magnus (5)
3. Katie Stevens (3)
4. Lily Scott (6)
5. Didi Benami (2)
6. Katelyn Epperly (4)
7. Paige Miles (9)
8. Michelle Delamor (7)
9. Lacey Brown (10)
10. Haeley Vaughn (8)

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Fischer’s Friday Five

Before I get to this week’s top five, just wanted to address a few things regarding American Idol. For starters, apparently there are no boys or men (or Boyz II Men) voting this year, otherwise Janell Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez would still be around at least another week. But no, now I have to deal with Paige Miles’ strong bladder and Lacey Brown’s 17 different voices another week. Obviously Janell and Ashley weren’t going to win Idol this year, but they were pleasant to the eyes even if they weren’t pleasant to the ears. Tyler Grady and Joe Munoz on the other hand, well, Joe definitely had no shot of winning, but Tyler had such high praise from one reader. Great call by Robbie S. in North Carolina who predicted he would win the whole thing. Once again folks, don’t smoke pot and watch Idol at the same time, nothing good can come of it.

Also, I will not be doing a weekly recap blog of the results show. Actually, here, from now on you can use my Mad Libs-esque template to write your own results show recap blog…

Tonight, on the Results Show, the remaining contestants together sang _____ (name of song), it sounded like ______ (something terrible and possibly feces-related). Then Seacrest announced who was safe. I can’t believe _____ (contestant) didn’t get eliminated, since their performance was like ______ (name of torture device). After that, we got treated to _____ (former Idol contestant whose career never took off) performing their new single. I wonder what is on ______ (name of another network). Then we got to see the Idol’s Ford video of the week. I can’t believe they made _____ (name of contestant) look like ______ (expletive deleted). Afterwards, _______ (name of current artist who’s looking to sell more records), performed and then we had to wait thru another commercial to find out who’s going home. Finally, Seacrest dragged out the last results to tell us _______ (name of contestant who unless is Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry, will probably not go on to have much of a career unless they do _______ (name of nudie magazine)) has been eliminated. Everyone cries, except Simon, then’s there’s a video package, and roll credits. Stay tuned for an all-new ______ (name of FOX show that would struggle in the ratings if it wasn’t on after Idol).

And with that, I’m Fischer, it’s Friday, and here’s my five… Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Ladies Night)

I’m going to start off by making an excuse. Tonight’s blog might be shorter than most nights since I’m feeling whatever is lower than “under the weather” and more importantly, it’s Maggie’s birthday today! So I’m only going to give a brief recap in between trying to not cough and sneeze on the birthday girl. What can I say, I’m a very loving husband!

But almost as important as Maggie’s birthday, it’s time to start voting on American Idol, as we begin the drawn out 3 week process of taking the current 24 final contestants and whittling them down to Top 12. To do that though we have to get rid of six girls and six guys who will be forever be banished into the world of obscurity along with names such as Jesse Langseth, Ricky Braddy, Luke Menard, Asia’h Epperson. See, I told ya, no one has seen these people since not making the final 12.

Up first tonight are the 12 ladies. Two of which will be gone by Thursday. So let’s admire Ellen’s lovely man suit and hope for the best tonight.

Before they start singing, here were my “preseason” predictions of the Top 12 girls, which I’m sure will look terrible in about three weeks.

MY TOP 12 GIRLS
1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Didi Benami
3. Katie Stevens
4. Ashley Rodriguez
5. Janell Wheeler
6. Haeley Vaughn
7. Katelyn Epperly
8. Siobhan Magnus
9. Lily Scott
10. Lacey Brown
11. Michelle Delamor
12. What’s Her Face (Paige Miles)

Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Orlando Auditions)

For the previous Idol audition episodes, check out the Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago recaps.

It’s O-town tonight on Idol, and no, not the terrible boy band from a few years ago. Although Orlando has given us boy band member Lance Bass, Gold Club member Tiger Woods, and “this guy” (fathers, keep him away from your daughters!)

Tonight’s guest judge is, Emmy and Tony award winner, Kristen Chenoweth, which is very fitting for Orlando, considering she sounds like Mickey Mouse. I never watched Pushing Daisies, but did enjoy Kristen on her guest spot on Glee this season. That’s Glee, the Golden Globes winner for best comedy, now available on DVD and new episodes returning April on FOX. Oops, shameless plug, let’s move on to the contestants.

Theo Glinton – it’s The Phantom Of The San Francisco Opera. He does sing like he’s a very angry hairdresser. Best part, watch in slow motion when they tell him he’s not Jennifer Hudson. You can almost see his soul get crushed by the metaphoric bus. Line of the night from Maggie, “are those mirrors on your face? Because I can see you’re not going to Hollywood.”

Seth Rollins – after being treated to a 5-minute montage of Cara/Kristen becoming BFFs and terribly quick-clipped auditions, it’s very refreshing to get a nice back story about a good dad who’s not “out with a divorce.” He has a nice voice, but it’s kind of simple and I don’t get much enthusiasm or excitement from him, but definitely good enough for Hollywood.

Commercial break – is there anyone in Hollywood who’s not in the Valentine’s Day movie? I think the only actors I didn’t see in the preview were Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage, but they’re probably hanging out at Starbucks writing the script for Vice Versa 2.

Jermaine Purifoy – 25 minutes in, and this is only the third audition we’ve seen that isn’t a two-second clip!  Not a good start coming off the heels of last night’s episode. Very good voice here, kind of like a poor man’s Stevie Wonder.  Kristen gives him a no-pun intended comment and calls his voice “pure”. Looks like he’s taking this go around more seriously than his last audition a couple of years ago when he tried out for Beer Pong Idol. Hmm, that could be an interesting concept for a new show. You have to sing while playing beer pong, we could probably get Seann William Scott to host.

Shelby Dressel – looking like a cross between Gina Gershon and Lexie from Grey’s Anatomy. It was a decent audition, especially considering she doesn’t have the ability to use the right side of her face. She also might be the first person to use the f-word in an audition and get through, which normally the judges wouldn’t look kindly to. So unfortunately, this is leading me to have terrible flashbacks of Scott McIntyre.

We only got to see 3 of the 18 that got golden tickets the first day, and I’m beginning to worry about this season if all we got to hear was Seth, Jermaine and Shelby. Also, Kristen got called away and sadly we are given no replacement for her. Couldn’t they have gotten a local celeb to fill in for a day? Wesley Snipes lives nearby, he could offer great feedback like “yes, you can sing Mariah Carey, but you can’t hear her.” Or if someone was debating between singing Barry White or Clint Black, he can say “let me give you a word of advice, always bet on black” (that’s a Passenger 57 reference for you non-Snipes people out there).

Jay Stone – yeah, just what Idol was lacking, another beatboxer to make it through. I was about to draw the comparisons to Season 7 runner-up Blake Lewis, until Jay claims he’s better than Blake. So is Jay saying he’s Jordin Sparks? Also, where is Blake nowadays? According to wikipedia, “Blake, who was dropped by Arista after one album, is getting a kick out of watching the new season of American Idol.” That puts him slightly ahead of Justin Guarini, who does not enjoy watching Idol.

Now it’s the time where Idol shows us three quick auditions that make it through and leaving us with very little to judge on…

Janell Wheeler – very nice, would have liked to hear some more.

Brittany Starr James – only got treated to her for a few seconds, but that was enough for the obligatory, Simon checking her out. He definitely has a type.

Kasi Bedford – rushed through her lyrics, she’s probably late for her shift at Space Mountain.

Cornelius Edwards – four easy words to get you a golden ticket and into Hollywood, “my pants done ripped.” Actually the best part was afterward when Cornelius goes to celebrate with his family, Seacrest picks up a little boy, who facial expression just screams, “my pants done ripped, I need an adult.”

Bernadette and Amanda Desimone – Jersey sisters who own a hair salon. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, like MTV is already planning a reality show called Jersey Shorn. They weren’t terrible and probably both deserving of the golden ticket. I don’t know who was who, but I think the one who looks less like a horse had the better voice.

Jarrod Norrell – said he was singing Amazing Grace, so he could “give it up to God”, but unfortunately forJarrod, God received the package and signed it “return to sender, and have him arrested.”

Before the commercial break, Seacrest previews a tragic back story for the final singer of the night, Matt Lawrence, and wonders what lies in the future for him. At first glance, I’m hoping its herpecin.

Matt Lawrence – considering he robbed a bank with a BB gun when he was 15 and spent four years in jail because of it, this is probably a more healthy alternative for him. It was a good performance, that Ray Lamontagne song suited his voice and made him sound genuine. Hopefully he doesn’t drawn comparisons to Michael Sarver, last year’s roughneck.

Well, that’s all Orlando had to offer, and it wasn’t much. Maybe one or two with a real chance at cracking the top 24. Hopefully we’ll get something more out of Los Angeles next week. On a positive note, Heidi Montag’s new album has sold less than 700 copies so far, so all is ok in the world.

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKETS
1. Janell Wheeler
2. Matt Lawrence
3. Brittany Starr James
4. Jermaine Purifoy
5. Shelby Dressel
6. Seth Rollins
7. Non-Horse Desimone
8. Jay Stone
9. Cornelius Edwards
10. Horse Desimone
11. Kasi Bedford

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Justin Williams
3. Ashley Rodriguez
4. Jermaine Sellers
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Janell Wheeler
8. Katelyn Epperly
9. Matt Lawrence
10. Leah Laurenti
11. Paige Dechausse
12. Brittany Starr James
13. Benjamin Bright
14. Jermaine Purifoy
15. Brian Walker
16. Holly Harden
17. Keith Semple
18. Amadeo Diricco