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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Final 10 Girls or Guys?)

Not that I’m one to make excuses…ok, that’s a lie…but this is a wee bit of a hellacious week for me. I have a 3-day work training thing the next few days, therefore, I’m still going to recap Idol, but it will be in the “10 words or less” mold.  Besides, it’s still early enough in the competition where several of the contestants aren’t even worthy of 10 words, so look at it as me doing you a favor and saving you time as well.

Previously on Idol, my future ex-wife Janell Wheeler was sent packing, as was Eva Mendes 2.0 Ashley Rodriguez.  Let’s hope the girls can build on last week, which really isn’t asking much since most weren’t all that good.

Here’s how I have the final 10 girls ranked thru last week.

MY NEW FEMALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Crystal Bowersox (1)
2. Didi Benami (2)
3. Katie Stevens (3)
4. Katelyn Epperly (7)
5. Siobhan Magnus (8)
6. Lily Scott (9)
7. Michelle Delamor (11)
8. Haeley Vaughn (6)
9. Paige Miles (12)
10. Lacey Brown (10)

Uh, nevermind, apparently the guys are going this week.  So, quickly, useless guy #1 and useless guy #2 were sent home last week, and here’s how I have the guys ranked.

MY MALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Andrew Garcia (1)
2. Lee Dewyze (2)
3. Casey James (4)
4. Michael Lynche (3)
5. John Park (6)
6. Alex Lambert (7)
7. Aaron Kelly (9)
8. Toderick Hall (8)
9. Jermaine Sellers (11)
10. Tim Urban (10)

Apparently, my front-runner Crystal Bowersox has been hospitalized and unable to perform tonight, so that’s why the guys are going first.  That’s got to make her feel better, that they postpone an entire show just for her to get better.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010 Idol Darling – Crystal Bowersox!

Alright, so the guys will also only get 10 words or less, but in the case of Tim “how the hell am I still here” Urban, I’ll probably just smash the keyboard and see what comes out. Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Guy’s Night Out)

So after a slightly underwhelming start by the ladies last night, it’s the dawg pound’s turn to take the stage tonight, and since I’m still suffering from a wicked head cold, feeling achy and I’m being fake-sponsored by Nyquil again tonight, I’m going to try make this quick so I get to bed at an early hour. Who am I kidding, I just want to be done by 10, so I can catch the mini-marathon of Cougar Town.

Looking back to last week, here’s how I ranked the 12 guys going into tonight. And it’s official, Michael Lynche is here to stay! Chris Golighty, not so much.

MY TOP 12 GUYS
1. Andrew Garcia
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Michael Lynche
4. Casey James
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Alex Lambert
8. Toderick Hall
9. Aaron Kelly
10. Tim Urban
11. Jermaine Sellers
12. Joe Munoz

In the biggest non-surprise of the evening, Andrew Garcia has got the pimp spot (going last). In the biggest actual surprise, Casey James is NOT wearing a blue shirt. Biggest upset since Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson. And with that it’s go time as Seacrest tells us…”this…is….stop it Simon” (uhhh, ok).

Also, what’s up with Kara this season? She’s being very clingy next to Simon just hanging on his every word and looking to stroke his face like Chris Farley did to that muffin in Tommy Boy. Simon’s kind enough to give us his thoughts on the guys saying they looked nervous during rehearsal and if they forget their lyrics tonight or show their nerves, then their careers are over. Always encouraging words from the Brits. Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Atlanta Auditions)

Welcome to Atlanta, the city that gave us both Clay Aiken and Fantasia.  That’s almost as bad as saying, welcome to Milwaukee, the city that gave us both Jeffrey Dahmer and Mrs. Garrett.

At least Simon has changed out of his white t-shirt for the Boston auditions and into a white t-shirt for Atlanta.  What’s sad is that t-shirt probably cost at least $100.

Dewone Robinson – the first contestant this season to sing his own material (never a good sign), also there’s no way this guy is 27 years old.  After the audition, he’s going to meet up with the Snuggle bear at a bar.

Keia Johnson – I wonder if I could pull off hot lime green jeans?  That could be a whole separate blog.  Pretty solid audition, and for those who remember my Best Oscars of the past 16 years breakdown, I definitely have a soft spot for Titanic.  Except for when Rose hogs the entire bed frame.  Not cool Rose, not cool.

Miriam Lemnouri – really she got through?  Apparently shrill voices are in this season.  Thanks a lot Miley Cyrus.

Noel Reese –  comment from Maggie, “can you make sure to mention Kara’s ridiculous fake eyelashes?”  In other words, I had nothing better to say here.

Tisha Holland – not as good as the judges made it seem.  On a completely unrelated note, Costco started carrying frozen mini southwest egg rolls that are delicious.  In other words, I still had nothing better to say here.

Jermaine Sellers
– great rendition of “If God Was One Of Us”.  Somewhere Joan Osborne is sitting at home cursing Jermaine for showing her up.  She probably threw her hot pocket at the TV too.

Christy Marie – I never thought I’d say this, but this made me miss Tatiana Del Toro.  Christy came close, but nobody pulled off crazy like Tatiana – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Olq67Knuz8

Vanessa Wolfe – note to self, never visit Vonore, TN.  Actual comment from Maggie “that’s what happens when you get hit in the face with a jet ski.”  Surprisingly not bad, definitely an unpolished singer, but Idol has a soft spot for country talent.

Jesse Hamilton – between him and Vanessa, obviously Crest Whitening Strips have pulled their sponsorship.

Holly Harden – ah, the rare goofy contestant who can actually sing.  I dug the outfit, I definitely don’t want to “strum him guitar” but the girl’s got a voice.

Lathan Davenport – more like Davenpoop.  Yep, Idol only shows them for three seconds, they only get three words.  Not counting the last sentence explaining the three seconds rule, or this sentence explaining the last sentence.

Hansel Enriquez – definitely killed Gretel Enriquez with that voice.

Blake Smith – where can I buy the “Britney Spears Changed My Life T-Shirt?”

Mallorie Haley – dammmmmn!  And she can sing too!  How can you say no to a girl from a city called Winner?

Skii Bo Ski – cousin of Skee Lo Ski?  I wish this audition was a little bit shorter, I wish I hard of hearing, if I had a tiger in a cage, I’d release it to maul him.

Lauren Sanders – correction from earlier, THAT is what happens when you get hit in the face with a jet ski.

Carmen Turner – very shrewd contestant.  You know she definitely BFF’d Lauren (not to be confused with BIFF’d) just to make her look AND sound better for the audition.  That’s how I got Maggie to like me, when I showed up to meet her the first time I had the Elephant Man as a wingman.

Brian Walker – very nice, kind of reminded me Phil Stacey of Season 6.  Although, with one less cop on the streets of Sevierville, Tennessee, who’s going to fight crime against the rowdy Seviervillians?

Lamar Royal – he’s got every right to be mad at the judges.  I mean besides the crazy personality, the loud pitchy voice and the high probability of a stabbing, he could have been the next American Idol.  But now we’ll never know, thanks a lot Mary J Blige.

General Larry Platt
– for those who missed it, just google “pants on the ground”  (I apologize in advance if that yields any additional unpleasant non-Idol related results)

Just received this email from soon-to-be married, Eoin Fitzsimmons, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground ….. My wedding song”

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKET WINNERS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Jermaine Sellers
3. Brian Walker
4. Holly Harden
5. Keia Johnson
6. Tisha Holland
7. Vanessa Wolfe
8.Carmen Turner
9. Noel Reese
10. Skii Bo Ski
11. Miriam Lemnouri

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Justin Williams
3. Ashley Rodriguez
4. Jermaine Sellers
5. Tyler Grady
6. Leah Laurenti
7. Benjamin Bright
8. Brian Walker
9. Holly Harden
10. Amadeo Diricco