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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Final 10 Girls or Guys?)

Not that I’m one to make excuses…ok, that’s a lie…but this is a wee bit of a hellacious week for me. I have a 3-day work training thing the next few days, therefore, I’m still going to recap Idol, but it will be in the “10 words or less” mold.  Besides, it’s still early enough in the competition where several of the contestants aren’t even worthy of 10 words, so look at it as me doing you a favor and saving you time as well.

Previously on Idol, my future ex-wife Janell Wheeler was sent packing, as was Eva Mendes 2.0 Ashley Rodriguez.  Let’s hope the girls can build on last week, which really isn’t asking much since most weren’t all that good.

Here’s how I have the final 10 girls ranked thru last week.

MY NEW FEMALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Crystal Bowersox (1)
2. Didi Benami (2)
3. Katie Stevens (3)
4. Katelyn Epperly (7)
5. Siobhan Magnus (8)
6. Lily Scott (9)
7. Michelle Delamor (11)
8. Haeley Vaughn (6)
9. Paige Miles (12)
10. Lacey Brown (10)

Uh, nevermind, apparently the guys are going this week.  So, quickly, useless guy #1 and useless guy #2 were sent home last week, and here’s how I have the guys ranked.

MY MALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Andrew Garcia (1)
2. Lee Dewyze (2)
3. Casey James (4)
4. Michael Lynche (3)
5. John Park (6)
6. Alex Lambert (7)
7. Aaron Kelly (9)
8. Toderick Hall (8)
9. Jermaine Sellers (11)
10. Tim Urban (10)

Apparently, my front-runner Crystal Bowersox has been hospitalized and unable to perform tonight, so that’s why the guys are going first.  That’s got to make her feel better, that they postpone an entire show just for her to get better.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010 Idol Darling – Crystal Bowersox!

Alright, so the guys will also only get 10 words or less, but in the case of Tim “how the hell am I still here” Urban, I’ll probably just smash the keyboard and see what comes out. Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Guy’s Night Out)

So after a slightly underwhelming start by the ladies last night, it’s the dawg pound’s turn to take the stage tonight, and since I’m still suffering from a wicked head cold, feeling achy and I’m being fake-sponsored by Nyquil again tonight, I’m going to try make this quick so I get to bed at an early hour. Who am I kidding, I just want to be done by 10, so I can catch the mini-marathon of Cougar Town.

Looking back to last week, here’s how I ranked the 12 guys going into tonight. And it’s official, Michael Lynche is here to stay! Chris Golighty, not so much.

MY TOP 12 GUYS
1. Andrew Garcia
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Michael Lynche
4. Casey James
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Alex Lambert
8. Toderick Hall
9. Aaron Kelly
10. Tim Urban
11. Jermaine Sellers
12. Joe Munoz

In the biggest non-surprise of the evening, Andrew Garcia has got the pimp spot (going last). In the biggest actual surprise, Casey James is NOT wearing a blue shirt. Biggest upset since Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson. And with that it’s go time as Seacrest tells us…”this…is….stop it Simon” (uhhh, ok).

Also, what’s up with Kara this season? She’s being very clingy next to Simon just hanging on his every word and looking to stroke his face like Chris Farley did to that muffin in Tommy Boy. Simon’s kind enough to give us his thoughts on the guys saying they looked nervous during rehearsal and if they forget their lyrics tonight or show their nerves, then their careers are over. Always encouraging words from the Brits. Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Chicago Auditions)

In case you need to catch up, check out the Boston and Atlanta audition recaps.

It’s the city of Chicago tonight for Idol, although I must say I was hoping when they said Idol was doing Chicago tonight, that we were going to get some Peter Cetera rocking the Karate Kid 2 soundtrack. “I am a man, who will fight, for your honor.  I’ll be the hero, you’re dreaming of.  We’ll live forever, knowing together that we…did it all, for the glory of love.”  We love you, Mr. Miyagi!!!

Seacrest briefly mentions that tonight’s city is the same place where Obama was from and wonders if the next American Idol can hail from the same place as our American president.  I believe that probably qualifies as the closest FOX has ever come to saying something positive about the left side. Then they follow that up and announce Karl Rove as the guest judge tonight.

Just kidding about Rove, instead we get country star, Shania Twain, still looking as good at 44 as she did at 34, although I still have a hard time accepting a country star who hails from Ontario.  The judges are seated, in a weird order tonight (Simon on the far left, Kara on the far right and Shania/Randy in the middle), and let’s hope some contestants in the Windy City actually blow us away tonight.  Ha, I made a weather joke, take that El Nino!

Katelyn Epperly – All due respect, but what a terrible back story to get us to care about her.  Her parents split recently, that’s it???  Although to be fair, when my parents separated about 9 years ago, the first thing I did was fly to England and try out for Pop Idol.  Also, her mom said that Katelyn’s dad “decided to divorce”  Since when is that a verb?  Is this a new thing like how recently football announcers say injuries as “out with a foot” or “out with a shoulder?”  So do we say that her dad was “out with a divorce?”  Oh yeah, she sang too.  It was pretty good, almost unique in a way and the judges seem to think there’s something to her.

Once we help Haiti out, can we turn our fundraising efforts towards saving Luke Wilson and Kris Allen?

Gotta love the Best In Show crew doing commercials for the U.S. Census – now THAT is some great casting.

Back from commercials and there’s someone talking about the many different nicknames of Chicago.  They left off, “The City Ruined By Jay Cutler”

Amy Lang
– apparently she’s Ryan Seacrest’s biggest stalker, no pun intended.  Maggie says “she laughs like Large Marge.”  Not only has she ruined Aretha Franklin’s “Dr. Feelgood”, she also ruined the Motley Crue version for me as well.  In fact, thanks to her “boob-boxing” (as Cara called it), she’s ruined my dinner for me too.

Charity Vance – Her mom says they’ve been watching Idol since she was 8 years old.  I all of a sudden feel like I should be eating my suppers at 4:30 in the afternoon. Very nice voice, but even though she has no problem singing at the local Hair Cuttery, she kind of reminds of someone who could be very overwhelmed under the lights of Hollywood.  Actually based on her skin, she’s someone who could be very overwhelmed by lights in general.

Crazy Accordion Lady – I might have dated her once on a dare, I’m not sure.

Purple Jacket Tom Jones Singing Guy – we need to see more of that audition, come on, he even busted out the Carlton dance!

Angela Martin – aww, it’s good to see her back.  It’s rare that I remember a former contestant coming back to tryout again.  Although, as much as I’m rooting for her, I’d like to enforce the rule that if you don’t make it past the Hollywood round, you shouldn’t get another chance.  That being said, she’s still got a great voice and hopefully she can avoid any more personal disasters this year.

Curly Newbern – well at least he answered the question of who inherit Dom DeLuise’s wardrobe when he passed away.  Curly might have gotten a ticket had he been daring and thrown in some low notes.

Alannah Halbert – she looks like a combination of Winnie Cooper and Six from Blossom.  Apparently her and Curly use the same singing coach too.

Brian Krause – Private Gomer Pyle lives!!!  Although that audition makes me want to cradle a shotgun in the bathroom.  (Full Metal Jacket reference people, no overreacting!)

Harold Davis – playing the Rocky music in Chicago doesn’t seem right.  Again, this would be a perfect time to bust out some Peter Cetera.  Way too many bad singers being showcased tonight, especially for a one hour show.

Chantelle Graczkowski – speechless.  Also now blind in my right eye.

John Park – I think I’ll just let Shania Twain do the talking here with her comments which included…”you have a beautiful bottom end,” “you have nice lips,” “you have a nice tone down there,” and “you have a good head.”  Good thing Shania is also “out with a divorce” otherwise things might have gotten weird on the homefront.

Paige Dechausse – probably one of the best of the night, but that’s not saying much when you’re up against Chantelle and Curly.  I’m just glad she was able to overcome her papercut when she was younger to make it here today.  Oh, ashtma, sorry, that’s much worse.

Justin Ray – yesssss, our first contestant rocking the Eriq La Salle soul glow this season.  If only he sang “Greatest Love Of All.”  SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!!!  (drops mic, walks off stage).

Keith Semple – both Maggie and I went “ooooh” at the same time.  He sounded like an American Brian Adams. I guess that’s why Shania said yes.

Marcus Jones – it has to tell you something, if he was the last audition of the night, made it through and I already forgot what he sounded like.

Overall, not a very strong night for Chicago as the auditions mirrored the Bears season.  They showcased a lot more of the bad than the good, and we only got to see 8 golden ticket winners (3 of which who were shown clipped together in the final 30 seconds).  Hopefully Orlando will offer us something better tomorrow,  but beware that they don’t show Orlando native “this guy”

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKETS
1. John Park
2. Katelyn Epperly
3. Paige Dechausse
4. Keith Semple
5. Angela Martin
6. Charity Vance
7. Justin Ray
8. Marcus Jones

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Justin Williams
3. Ashley Rodriguez
4. Jermaine Sellers
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Katelyn Epperly
8. Leah Laurenti
9. Paige Dechausse
10. Benjamin Bright
11. Brian Walker
12. Holly Harden
13. Keith Semple
14. Amadeo Diricco