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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Orlando Auditions)

For the previous Idol audition episodes, check out the Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago recaps.

It’s O-town tonight on Idol, and no, not the terrible boy band from a few years ago. Although Orlando has given us boy band member Lance Bass, Gold Club member Tiger Woods, and “this guy” (fathers, keep him away from your daughters!)

Tonight’s guest judge is, Emmy and Tony award winner, Kristen Chenoweth, which is very fitting for Orlando, considering she sounds like Mickey Mouse. I never watched Pushing Daisies, but did enjoy Kristen on her guest spot on Glee this season. That’s Glee, the Golden Globes winner for best comedy, now available on DVD and new episodes returning April on FOX. Oops, shameless plug, let’s move on to the contestants.

Theo Glinton – it’s The Phantom Of The San Francisco Opera. He does sing like he’s a very angry hairdresser. Best part, watch in slow motion when they tell him he’s not Jennifer Hudson. You can almost see his soul get crushed by the metaphoric bus. Line of the night from Maggie, “are those mirrors on your face? Because I can see you’re not going to Hollywood.”

Seth Rollins – after being treated to a 5-minute montage of Cara/Kristen becoming BFFs and terribly quick-clipped auditions, it’s very refreshing to get a nice back story about a good dad who’s not “out with a divorce.” He has a nice voice, but it’s kind of simple and I don’t get much enthusiasm or excitement from him, but definitely good enough for Hollywood.

Commercial break – is there anyone in Hollywood who’s not in the Valentine’s Day movie? I think the only actors I didn’t see in the preview were Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage, but they’re probably hanging out at Starbucks writing the script for Vice Versa 2.

Jermaine Purifoy – 25 minutes in, and this is only the third audition we’ve seen that isn’t a two-second clip!  Not a good start coming off the heels of last night’s episode. Very good voice here, kind of like a poor man’s Stevie Wonder.  Kristen gives him a no-pun intended comment and calls his voice “pure”. Looks like he’s taking this go around more seriously than his last audition a couple of years ago when he tried out for Beer Pong Idol. Hmm, that could be an interesting concept for a new show. You have to sing while playing beer pong, we could probably get Seann William Scott to host.

Shelby Dressel – looking like a cross between Gina Gershon and Lexie from Grey’s Anatomy. It was a decent audition, especially considering she doesn’t have the ability to use the right side of her face. She also might be the first person to use the f-word in an audition and get through, which normally the judges wouldn’t look kindly to. So unfortunately, this is leading me to have terrible flashbacks of Scott McIntyre.

We only got to see 3 of the 18 that got golden tickets the first day, and I’m beginning to worry about this season if all we got to hear was Seth, Jermaine and Shelby. Also, Kristen got called away and sadly we are given no replacement for her. Couldn’t they have gotten a local celeb to fill in for a day? Wesley Snipes lives nearby, he could offer great feedback like “yes, you can sing Mariah Carey, but you can’t hear her.” Or if someone was debating between singing Barry White or Clint Black, he can say “let me give you a word of advice, always bet on black” (that’s a Passenger 57 reference for you non-Snipes people out there).

Jay Stone – yeah, just what Idol was lacking, another beatboxer to make it through. I was about to draw the comparisons to Season 7 runner-up Blake Lewis, until Jay claims he’s better than Blake. So is Jay saying he’s Jordin Sparks? Also, where is Blake nowadays? According to wikipedia, “Blake, who was dropped by Arista after one album, is getting a kick out of watching the new season of American Idol.” That puts him slightly ahead of Justin Guarini, who does not enjoy watching Idol.

Now it’s the time where Idol shows us three quick auditions that make it through and leaving us with very little to judge on…

Janell Wheeler – very nice, would have liked to hear some more.

Brittany Starr James – only got treated to her for a few seconds, but that was enough for the obligatory, Simon checking her out. He definitely has a type.

Kasi Bedford – rushed through her lyrics, she’s probably late for her shift at Space Mountain.

Cornelius Edwards – four easy words to get you a golden ticket and into Hollywood, “my pants done ripped.” Actually the best part was afterward when Cornelius goes to celebrate with his family, Seacrest picks up a little boy, who facial expression just screams, “my pants done ripped, I need an adult.”

Bernadette and Amanda Desimone – Jersey sisters who own a hair salon. I’ve got a bad feeling about this, like MTV is already planning a reality show called Jersey Shorn. They weren’t terrible and probably both deserving of the golden ticket. I don’t know who was who, but I think the one who looks less like a horse had the better voice.

Jarrod Norrell – said he was singing Amazing Grace, so he could “give it up to God”, but unfortunately forJarrod, God received the package and signed it “return to sender, and have him arrested.”

Before the commercial break, Seacrest previews a tragic back story for the final singer of the night, Matt Lawrence, and wonders what lies in the future for him. At first glance, I’m hoping its herpecin.

Matt Lawrence – considering he robbed a bank with a BB gun when he was 15 and spent four years in jail because of it, this is probably a more healthy alternative for him. It was a good performance, that Ray Lamontagne song suited his voice and made him sound genuine. Hopefully he doesn’t drawn comparisons to Michael Sarver, last year’s roughneck.

Well, that’s all Orlando had to offer, and it wasn’t much. Maybe one or two with a real chance at cracking the top 24. Hopefully we’ll get something more out of Los Angeles next week. On a positive note, Heidi Montag’s new album has sold less than 700 copies so far, so all is ok in the world.

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKETS
1. Janell Wheeler
2. Matt Lawrence
3. Brittany Starr James
4. Jermaine Purifoy
5. Shelby Dressel
6. Seth Rollins
7. Non-Horse Desimone
8. Jay Stone
9. Cornelius Edwards
10. Horse Desimone
11. Kasi Bedford

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Justin Williams
3. Ashley Rodriguez
4. Jermaine Sellers
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Janell Wheeler
8. Katelyn Epperly
9. Matt Lawrence
10. Leah Laurenti
11. Paige Dechausse
12. Brittany Starr James
13. Benjamin Bright
14. Jermaine Purifoy
15. Brian Walker
16. Holly Harden
17. Keith Semple
18. Amadeo Diricco