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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Atlanta Auditions)

Welcome to Atlanta, the city that gave us both Clay Aiken and Fantasia.  That’s almost as bad as saying, welcome to Milwaukee, the city that gave us both Jeffrey Dahmer and Mrs. Garrett.

At least Simon has changed out of his white t-shirt for the Boston auditions and into a white t-shirt for Atlanta.  What’s sad is that t-shirt probably cost at least $100.

Dewone Robinson – the first contestant this season to sing his own material (never a good sign), also there’s no way this guy is 27 years old.  After the audition, he’s going to meet up with the Snuggle bear at a bar.

Keia Johnson – I wonder if I could pull off hot lime green jeans?  That could be a whole separate blog.  Pretty solid audition, and for those who remember my Best Oscars of the past 16 years breakdown, I definitely have a soft spot for Titanic.  Except for when Rose hogs the entire bed frame.  Not cool Rose, not cool.

Miriam Lemnouri – really she got through?  Apparently shrill voices are in this season.  Thanks a lot Miley Cyrus.

Noel Reese –  comment from Maggie, “can you make sure to mention Kara’s ridiculous fake eyelashes?”  In other words, I had nothing better to say here.

Tisha Holland – not as good as the judges made it seem.  On a completely unrelated note, Costco started carrying frozen mini southwest egg rolls that are delicious.  In other words, I still had nothing better to say here.

Jermaine Sellers
– great rendition of “If God Was One Of Us”.  Somewhere Joan Osborne is sitting at home cursing Jermaine for showing her up.  She probably threw her hot pocket at the TV too.

Christy Marie – I never thought I’d say this, but this made me miss Tatiana Del Toro.  Christy came close, but nobody pulled off crazy like Tatiana – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Olq67Knuz8

Vanessa Wolfe – note to self, never visit Vonore, TN.  Actual comment from Maggie “that’s what happens when you get hit in the face with a jet ski.”  Surprisingly not bad, definitely an unpolished singer, but Idol has a soft spot for country talent.

Jesse Hamilton – between him and Vanessa, obviously Crest Whitening Strips have pulled their sponsorship.

Holly Harden – ah, the rare goofy contestant who can actually sing.  I dug the outfit, I definitely don’t want to “strum him guitar” but the girl’s got a voice.

Lathan Davenport – more like Davenpoop.  Yep, Idol only shows them for three seconds, they only get three words.  Not counting the last sentence explaining the three seconds rule, or this sentence explaining the last sentence.

Hansel Enriquez – definitely killed Gretel Enriquez with that voice.

Blake Smith – where can I buy the “Britney Spears Changed My Life T-Shirt?”

Mallorie Haley – dammmmmn!  And she can sing too!  How can you say no to a girl from a city called Winner?

Skii Bo Ski – cousin of Skee Lo Ski?  I wish this audition was a little bit shorter, I wish I hard of hearing, if I had a tiger in a cage, I’d release it to maul him.

Lauren Sanders – correction from earlier, THAT is what happens when you get hit in the face with a jet ski.

Carmen Turner – very shrewd contestant.  You know she definitely BFF’d Lauren (not to be confused with BIFF’d) just to make her look AND sound better for the audition.  That’s how I got Maggie to like me, when I showed up to meet her the first time I had the Elephant Man as a wingman.

Brian Walker – very nice, kind of reminded me Phil Stacey of Season 6.  Although, with one less cop on the streets of Sevierville, Tennessee, who’s going to fight crime against the rowdy Seviervillians?

Lamar Royal – he’s got every right to be mad at the judges.  I mean besides the crazy personality, the loud pitchy voice and the high probability of a stabbing, he could have been the next American Idol.  But now we’ll never know, thanks a lot Mary J Blige.

General Larry Platt
– for those who missed it, just google “pants on the ground”  (I apologize in advance if that yields any additional unpleasant non-Idol related results)

Just received this email from soon-to-be married, Eoin Fitzsimmons, “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground ….. My wedding song”

RANKING THE GOLDEN TICKET WINNERS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Jermaine Sellers
3. Brian Walker
4. Holly Harden
5. Keia Johnson
6. Tisha Holland
7. Vanessa Wolfe
8.Carmen Turner
9. Noel Reese
10. Skii Bo Ski
11. Miriam Lemnouri

OVERALL POWER RANKINGS
1. Mallorie Haley
2. Justin Williams
3. Ashley Rodriguez
4. Jermaine Sellers
5. Tyler Grady
6. Leah Laurenti
7. Benjamin Bright
8. Brian Walker
9. Holly Harden
10. Amadeo Diricco