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This…Is American Idol…Blog (Final 10 Girls or Guys?)

Not that I’m one to make excuses…ok, that’s a lie…but this is a wee bit of a hellacious week for me. I have a 3-day work training thing the next few days, therefore, I’m still going to recap Idol, but it will be in the “10 words or less” mold.  Besides, it’s still early enough in the competition where several of the contestants aren’t even worthy of 10 words, so look at it as me doing you a favor and saving you time as well.

Previously on Idol, my future ex-wife Janell Wheeler was sent packing, as was Eva Mendes 2.0 Ashley Rodriguez.  Let’s hope the girls can build on last week, which really isn’t asking much since most weren’t all that good.

Here’s how I have the final 10 girls ranked thru last week.

MY NEW FEMALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Crystal Bowersox (1)
2. Didi Benami (2)
3. Katie Stevens (3)
4. Katelyn Epperly (7)
5. Siobhan Magnus (8)
6. Lily Scott (9)
7. Michelle Delamor (11)
8. Haeley Vaughn (6)
9. Paige Miles (12)
10. Lacey Brown (10)

Uh, nevermind, apparently the guys are going this week.  So, quickly, useless guy #1 and useless guy #2 were sent home last week, and here’s how I have the guys ranked.

MY MALE POWER RANKINGS (prior week’s ranking in parenthesis)
1. Andrew Garcia (1)
2. Lee Dewyze (2)
3. Casey James (4)
4. Michael Lynche (3)
5. John Park (6)
6. Alex Lambert (7)
7. Aaron Kelly (9)
8. Toderick Hall (8)
9. Jermaine Sellers (11)
10. Tim Urban (10)

Apparently, my front-runner Crystal Bowersox has been hospitalized and unable to perform tonight, so that’s why the guys are going first.  That’s got to make her feel better, that they postpone an entire show just for her to get better.  Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010 Idol Darling – Crystal Bowersox!

Alright, so the guys will also only get 10 words or less, but in the case of Tim “how the hell am I still here” Urban, I’ll probably just smash the keyboard and see what comes out. Continue reading

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Fischer’s Friday Five

Before I get to this week’s top five, just wanted to address a few things regarding American Idol. For starters, apparently there are no boys or men (or Boyz II Men) voting this year, otherwise Janell Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez would still be around at least another week. But no, now I have to deal with Paige Miles’ strong bladder and Lacey Brown’s 17 different voices another week. Obviously Janell and Ashley weren’t going to win Idol this year, but they were pleasant to the eyes even if they weren’t pleasant to the ears. Tyler Grady and Joe Munoz on the other hand, well, Joe definitely had no shot of winning, but Tyler had such high praise from one reader. Great call by Robbie S. in North Carolina who predicted he would win the whole thing. Once again folks, don’t smoke pot and watch Idol at the same time, nothing good can come of it.

Also, I will not be doing a weekly recap blog of the results show. Actually, here, from now on you can use my Mad Libs-esque template to write your own results show recap blog…

Tonight, on the Results Show, the remaining contestants together sang _____ (name of song), it sounded like ______ (something terrible and possibly feces-related). Then Seacrest announced who was safe. I can’t believe _____ (contestant) didn’t get eliminated, since their performance was like ______ (name of torture device). After that, we got treated to _____ (former Idol contestant whose career never took off) performing their new single. I wonder what is on ______ (name of another network). Then we got to see the Idol’s Ford video of the week. I can’t believe they made _____ (name of contestant) look like ______ (expletive deleted). Afterwards, _______ (name of current artist who’s looking to sell more records), performed and then we had to wait thru another commercial to find out who’s going home. Finally, Seacrest dragged out the last results to tell us _______ (name of contestant who unless is Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry, will probably not go on to have much of a career unless they do _______ (name of nudie magazine)) has been eliminated. Everyone cries, except Simon, then’s there’s a video package, and roll credits. Stay tuned for an all-new ______ (name of FOX show that would struggle in the ratings if it wasn’t on after Idol).

And with that, I’m Fischer, it’s Friday, and here’s my five… Continue reading

This…Is American Idol…Blog (Guy’s Night Out)

So after a slightly underwhelming start by the ladies last night, it’s the dawg pound’s turn to take the stage tonight, and since I’m still suffering from a wicked head cold, feeling achy and I’m being fake-sponsored by Nyquil again tonight, I’m going to try make this quick so I get to bed at an early hour. Who am I kidding, I just want to be done by 10, so I can catch the mini-marathon of Cougar Town.

Looking back to last week, here’s how I ranked the 12 guys going into tonight. And it’s official, Michael Lynche is here to stay! Chris Golighty, not so much.

MY TOP 12 GUYS
1. Andrew Garcia
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Michael Lynche
4. Casey James
5. Tyler Grady
6. John Park
7. Alex Lambert
8. Toderick Hall
9. Aaron Kelly
10. Tim Urban
11. Jermaine Sellers
12. Joe Munoz

In the biggest non-surprise of the evening, Andrew Garcia has got the pimp spot (going last). In the biggest actual surprise, Casey James is NOT wearing a blue shirt. Biggest upset since Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson. And with that it’s go time as Seacrest tells us…”this…is….stop it Simon” (uhhh, ok).

Also, what’s up with Kara this season? She’s being very clingy next to Simon just hanging on his every word and looking to stroke his face like Chris Farley did to that muffin in Tommy Boy. Simon’s kind enough to give us his thoughts on the guys saying they looked nervous during rehearsal and if they forget their lyrics tonight or show their nerves, then their careers are over. Always encouraging words from the Brits. Continue reading