Lazy Man’s Decathlon, Part 2

For a recap of the origin of this supreme event and the early results, click here

So now trailing 1-0 after bowling, it was off to play darts. One minor snag, we had no idea where to find a dartboard. We tried the local bar around the corner from my house, but it was closed. Apparently I underestimated the amount of local drunks in my area. Eventually I remember there was a billiards hall down the street as well. I had never been there before, but it was a surprisingly nice place that I wouldn’t mind hanging out and watching football in the fall.

EVENT #2 – Darts
Rules: Best out of nine. Alternate between three different games.  1) Cricket with points, 2) 301 and 3) Cricket no points

For those who aren’t familiar with the rules of cricket and 301, basically the rule is, well, it might take me a while to explain, so just go to Wikipedia, I’m sure that’s a lot better than me babbling on about it, plus you’ll get to learn the history of the game and how it originated during medieval times.

I got off to a great start in game #1 of cricket with points.  Not having thrown a dart in 3 years didn’t prevent me from hitting triple 20 twice while taking an early and insurmountable 120-0 lead.  Granted, it took me just about 60-70 throws to hit the final bulls-eye to clinch it while letting Steiny slowly creep back in it, but at least I got good practice.  Game #2 which was 301 wasn’t even close as Steiny hit the big numbers early and I kept finding the 1 and the 3 on the board.  However, I took the lead back in game #3 of cricket without points by rallying huge.  Steiny closed out 20, 17, 16, and 19 real quickly, so I decided to just aim for the bulls-eye and hopefully any misses would hit in the 15-20 range.  Strategy paid off as I closed out the bulls-eye before Steiny could and thus it was a 2-1 lead for me.

After a short intermission, game 4 went back to cricket with points, but it was dominated by Steiny from the start, for a 2-2 tie.  But game #5 which was 301, was pure dominance on my part winning in just under 7 turns for the 3-2 lead.  Steiny turned the tables again, by winning games 6 and 7 (cricket no points, cricket with points) for a 4-3 lead and all he needed was to win one of the final two events to claim the event.  However, it wasn’t meant to be, as I won 301 in relatively easy fashion and in the last match of cricket no points, I rallied from a big early deficit to hit the final bulls-eye with Steiny having three throws left to match.  And just like Scott Norwood in the Super Bowl, Steiny was wide right.
RESULT: Jarrett wins Darts 5-4 and the Decathlon is tied 1-1 overall

EVENT #3 – Ping Pong
Rules: Best out of seven.  Games to 21 points.  Alternate sides after each game.

Back at the house after darts and this was the one event I was dreading, as Steiny is some sort of Jewish Forrest Gump, and I had about as much of a chance as Lieutenant Dan did of getting his sea legs back.  Steiny won 4 games to 2, but I think he was taking pity on me and letting me win a couple of games.  I’d say there’s no room for poor sportsmanship in the Lazy Man’s Decathlon, but there’s plenty of room for just about anything.  In fact, I think I threw my paddle down, McEnroe-style at one point.
RESULT:  Steiny wins Ping Pong 4 games to 2 and leads Decathlon 2-1 overall

After this point, we were exhausted from being on our feet all day and opted for a long couch break to watch some college hoops.  Then after getting cleaned up and getting the Lazy Man’s Decathlon sponsored dinner of Five Guys, we were ready to tackle the night session that would consist of a rotation of Heads-Up Poker, Beer Pong and 9-Ball Billiards (also known as, events that don’t require much athleticism and can be executed after eating a big bacon cheeseburger and about a boat-full amount of fries.  No seriously, have you ever gotten fries at Five Guys?  They could end world hunger with those portions!

EVENT #4 – Heads-Up Poker
Rules: Best out of seven. No-limit hold em’ starting with 5000 in chips and blind levels at 25/50 going up every 10 minutes.

EVENT #5 – Beer Pong
Rules: Best out of seven.  Six cups each.  One consolidation allowed per game.  Throw two balls per turn, if both go in, you get to throw two again.  Get drunk.

EVENT #6 – Billiards (9-Ball)
Rules: Best out of seven. Alternate breaks.  Standard 9-ball rules.

The main thing to take from here is to rotate these events.  Otherwise, playing a best of 7 beer pong could turn into a violent bloody mess.  I think that’s what led to the fall of the USSR, I can’t remember my history classes though that was too long ago.  First game of poker started off well for me, as I had a 4-to-1 chip advantage until Steiny got a much needed double up to rattle me and ultimately completed the comeback when I went all-in preflop with A5 only for him to flip over pocket aces.

Down to the basement for some beer pong.  Hard to recap this, because it was basically throw balls into cups, drink, repeat.  I win, and take a 1-0 lead.

Shuffle on over to the pool table, where we traded shots back and forth and it came down to the final ball where Steiny had an easy shot lined up but left the 9-ball just barely hanging on to the table.  Could the pressure of the Lazy Man’s Decathlon finally be starting to get to Steiny?  Or could it be the bacon cheeseburger?  A simple tap in for me for the 1-0 lead and back upstairs for some poker.

Never stood a chance in game 2, as it was over fairly quickly as once again I pushed all-in with JT on a flop of 982 only to have Steiny’s K9 hold up for a 2-0 lead.  Back downstairs for some throw, drink, repeat, and a Steiny win to even the score 1-1.  Billiards was dominated by me however, as I matched Steiny’s 2-0 poker lead with a 2-0 billiards lead.

Intermission?  Nah, although we had beer upstairs to go with the beer downstairs.  Round 3 of poker finally got me on the board as Steiny tried a big bluff but I was holding pocket queens for the win.  However, Steiny won Round 3 of throw and drink to go up 2-1 in both beer pong and poker.  Thankfully I had 9-ball angels on my side as Steiny scratched on the final shot after making the 9-ball to give me the ball-in-hand victory and the 3-0 lead.  So as long as I didn’t pull a 2004 Yankees, I felt pretty good there.

Round 4 of poker was a back and forth struggle and with the blinds all the way up to 200/400, we both got our money in, Steiny was holding A5, but was dominated by my AJ which held up for the 2-2 tie.  The momentum kept rolling as I tied up beer pong as well, but after a costly early scratch, Steiny had a ball-in-hand combo lined up on the 9-ball and got his first billiards win to stay alive.

Round 5 of poker was another quick victory for me as my KK was strong against Steiny’s QJ for the 3-2 lead.  Back downstairs for round 5 of beer pong – I should also mention at this point that there have been roughly 174,920 pee breaks during these events.  Also, Yuengling was my sponsor for the evening while Steiny opted for the Amstel Light.  There was also some Michelob Ultra mixed in for him as well, but I don’t want to embarass him.  Oops.  I won beer pong again to go up 3-2, and then a very quick billiards game saw me clinch the event and even up the overall score.
RESULT:  Jarrett wins 9-Ball Billiards 4 games to 1 and the Decathlon is tied 2-2 overall.

Facing elimination in poker, led to the Five Guys/Amstel Light/Yuengling/Utz Pretzels hand of the night.  With me ahead 5400-4600 in chips and blinds at 150-300, Steiny decides to throw out the biggest of all bluffs and goes all-in pre-flop with the dreaded 7-2 offsuit.  Having not looked at my cards, I fully expected to fold to the large overbet, however, I was delighted to look down and see ace-queen of spades and instantaneously called and started the victory dance.  Except the beauty of poker is, any two can win, even the two worst cards to start as the flop was a terrible 7-5-2, giving Steiny two-pair and a huge chip advantage.  Down to just 400 in chips, I rallied all the way back up to 4000, before going all-in with king-high flush draw only to be called by Steiny’s ace-high flush draw and the win tying the game up 3-3.

However, the crushing poker blow was easily forgotten as I dominated game 6 of beer pong as Steiny still had 3 cups left on my side when all was said and done and for the first time, the lead in the decathlon was mine!
RESULT:  Jarrett wins Beer Pong 4 games to 2 and leads the Decathlon 3-2 overall

One final game of poker to end the evening and it was the Ali-Foreman of poker.  Actually Ali could make a really good poker player, you could never tell when he’s bluffing.  Foreman would probably be a terrible poker player since all he’d want to do is grill stuff.  With the blinds only at the 50/100 level, I picked up pocket sevens and threw out a modest raise to 350, which was called by Steiny.  The flop came out 875, and Steiny bet out 400, so hoping he had top pair and making him think I was on a draw, I went all-in with my trips and he called with 86 for top pair and an open-ended straight draw.  Unfortunately the turn and river were of no help to Steiny and I had swept the night session!
RESULT:  Jarrett wins Heads-Up Poker 4 games to 3 and leads the Decathlon 4-2 overall

A big Saturday night, with over 20 beers consumed between the two of us and many close battles in the three events.  Needless to say, we both pretty much passed out shortly thereafter, as we needed our rest to get in the basketball event the next day, plus we had to deal with losing an hour of sleep to Daylight Savings.

Unfortunately, when I awoke 5 hours later, I was terribly achy and couldn’t move my left arm (also known as my bowling, darts, ping pong and beer pong arm) and Steiny was pretty much wrecked as well so the basketball portion of the Decathlon was agreed to be postponed at a later date and we opted for the exhibition event of Watching More College Basketball and Power Napping.  It was a tie.

So with a 4-2 lead in the Decathlon, we’re on hiatus until the next time we get together, which may not be until the fall, so that’ll be plenty of time for me to lose my spring and summer weight as well.  But still to come, 1-on-1 Basketball, Mini-Golf, Soccer Shootout and Tennis.  Stay tuned…